Counsellor's Corner

Connecting over the holidays

For most young people, the end of term brings a sense of relief – no timetable, no assignments and no uniform. But what makes school tiring can also hold young people together – routine, regular contact with friends and built-in reasons to talk to adults. When all this eases off, some students thrive on the freedom that school holidays provide while others find the open space harder than it looks like from the outside.

This isn’t a reason to worry about the holidays but rather an invitation to stay a little more attuned during them. And a reminder that connection is what actually helps us to rest.

Term time gives young people a lot of low-effort social contact – seeing the same friends every day, teachers who notice if something’s off, a timetable that fills the hours whether they feel like it or not. 

Holidays remove most of that scaffolding. For a young person already managing anxiety, low mood, family stress or social difficulties, the extra unstructured time can mean more time alone with difficult thoughts, rather than more time to rest and recharge.

None of this means the holidays are risky for every young person – most will have a great break but it’s worth knowing that “school stress” isn’t the only thing that affects wellbeing, and that a change of pace can bring its own challenges to the surface.

How to connect

Checking in does not mean sitting down for a serious talk. Most young people engage better in sideway conversations, for example: in the car, doing the dishes, on a walk or halfway through a shared task. 

Facing forward together, rather than facing each other, often lowers the pressure enough for something honest to come out.

A few small habits for parents that tend to help:

Ask about specifics, not generalities. “What was the best five minutes of today?” or “what was something annoying that happened?” invites an actual story, more than “how was your day?” 

Do something alongside your child such as cooking, driving, watching something together – shared activity often opens conversations more naturally than sitting down to “talk”.

Notice patterns, not moments. Everyone has an off day. It’s a change that’s worth paying attention to – sleep, appetite, energy or pulling away from things they usually enjoy, sustained over more than a few days

Let them set the pace. If they don’t want to talk right now, that’s okay. staying warm and available matters more than getting the conversation to happen on your timeline.

Name that it’s okay to not be okay. simply saying, “you don’t have to be fine, and I’m not going anywhere” can lower the stakes of a young person telling you the truth.

Parents carry a lot over the holidays – more hours to fill, less routine of your own, and often the quiet job of holding the household’s mood, as well as your young person’s. 

You don’t have to have it all managed to be a steady presence for your child – you just need to be there, and be willing to notice

Wishing you and your family a restful and connected break. 

Miss Emily Coffin

School Counsellor