Chaplain’s Corner
Tips For Raising a Teenager!
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
As an Oxley parent right now, you either have a teenager or one in the making!
A child becoming a teenager is one of the biggest shifts in family life… The good news is that most teenagers still want their parents' guidance, even when they act as though they don't.
The goal changes from managing a child to coaching a young adult.
Here are some practical tips for parents of a teenager:
1. Stay connected, even when they pull away.
Teenagers naturally seek more independence. Don't interpret this as rejection.
- Keep regular family routines (meals, car rides, walks).
- Show interest in their passions, even if you don't share them.
Look for side-by-side conversations, which often feel less intense than face-to-face talks. Car rides or walks are perfect opportunities for this.
2. Listen more than you lecture.
Many parents rush to solve problems. Teenagers often need to feel heard first. Try:
- “That sounds frustrating.”
- “Tell me more.”
- “What do you think you'll do?”
When they feel understood, they are more likely to accept advice. When they are encouraged for the wisdom, they have demonstrated… they will likely make wiser decisions on their own.
3. Pick your battles.
Not every issue deserves a confrontation.
Focus on:
- Safety
- Respect
- Honesty
- School engagement
- Family values
Consider letting smaller issues become opportunities for independence.
4. Expect mood changes
Teenagers experience significant physical, emotional, and social changes.
Remember:
- A bad mood is usually not about you.
- Emotional reactions can be intense and short-lived.
- Stay calm when they are upset. Your regulation helps them learn regulation.
Come back at a later time. “You didn’t seem quite yourself earlier on. Everything ok?”
5. Set clear boundaries
Teenagers need freedom, but they also need limits.
Good boundaries are:
- Clear
- Consistent
- Explained
For example:
“You can go out with friends, but I need to know where you'll be and what time you'll be home.”
6. Stay involved in their online life
The digital world is often a major part of teenage life.
Talk regularly about:
- Social media
- Gaming
- AI tools
- Online friendships
- Digital citizenship
Aim for ongoing conversations rather than one big "internet safety talk." Keep informed and show interest in what interests them.
7. Let them make manageable mistakes
Rescuing teenagers from every consequence can prevent growth.
If the consequences are safe and reasonable, allow them to:
- Forget homework once in a while
- Manage their own schedule
- Learn from poor decisions
Mistakes are powerful teachers.
8. Keep showing affection
Some teenagers become uncomfortable with hugs or public displays of affection.
Even so:
- Tell them you're proud of them.
- Say “I love you.”
- Celebrate effort, not just achievement.
- Still hug them! You may just need to pick the right moment or even ask for permission first. Even most young adult males still want a hug, deep down!
They need reassurance more than they often admit.
9. Watch for changes that persist
Occasional moodiness is normal. However, more concerning signs include:
- Ongoing withdrawal from friends and family
- Significant changes in sleep or appetite
- Persistent sadness or anxiety
- Loss of interest in activities they once enjoyed
Trust your instincts and seek support if you're worried.
10. Remember the long game
Teen parenting can feel like a daily test, but success is not measured by winning arguments.
Ask yourself:
“Am I helping my child become a responsible, resilient, kind adult?”
That question often provides a clearer guide than focusing on today's conflict.
A Simple Rule to Remember: Be warm, be firm, and stay present.
Teenagers thrive when parents combine:
- High expectations
- Strong relationships
Consistent boundaries
And remember to pray…
Pray for and over your teenager. They, and yourself, need all the help you can get! Modelling prayer is such an important thing for a young person.
Your teenager may not always show it, but your presence, interest, and steady support matter enormously during these years.
They may not thank you today, and they may not even thank you next year. But one day, something will click. They'll look back and recognise that you did your very best, loved them deeply, and worked hard to create the kind of home and environment where they could grow, flourish, and become the person they are meant to be.
If you love your teenager and stay involved in their life, you are already doing something incredibly important. In many ways, you and your teenager are already winning!
So give yourself a pat on the back. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you have made along the way, because every parent makes them. Then take a deep breath and keep going.
Your teenager is fortunate to have someone in their corner who cares, believes in them, and shows up for them every day. Never underestimate the difference that makes.
Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. Proverbs 22:6
God bless, cheering you on!
Pastor Matt Daly
College Chaplain