Hello Wonderful Wonga Park Community,

I hope you had a lovely long weekend and found something fun to do to keep cool!

I have included another article from Maggie Dent. It is all about laughter and the positive impact it has on our lives.

My hope is that you can find something to laugh about every day. I know this can seem extremely challenging some days but those are the days you need to try extra hard to find something to laugh about even, if it’s just for 2 minutes.

You might like to write a joke on a sticky note and leave it on your front door each morning so that everyone reads it as they leave the house or have joke time while eating dinner.

Take care

Jocelyn Hollyman 😀

'Laughter is an instant vacation' ~ Milton Berle

Why laughter & lightness really matter right now

POSTED ON OCTOBER 31, 2023 Maggie Dent

The past five years have been incredibly stressful. Not only did we have a worldwide pandemic, there’s the war in Ukraine, we’re seeing more frequent natural disasters and now there is massive uncertainty in Gaza. On top of that we are living with food insecurity, a significant rental and housing crisis, and a higher cost of living all round.

That means that the grown-ups who are helping to raise our little ones and our tweens and teens, are all being impacted with an increased perception of threat. This means we will generally be less calm, less grounded and more likely to be reactive rather than responsive in our homes and our schools.

When our brain and body is in this state, we can feel less safe to the children we care for too, and we are more likely to speak and behave in ways we would prefer not to. No one really wants to be a shouty, angry parent, and yet we are carrying more worry, more fear and lots more cortisol – the stress hormone – in our brain and body.

Over the last couple of months when I have sought feedback from parents, early childhood educators and teachers in our primary and secondary schools about what they are taking away from my seminars, I am hearing – “I need to lighten up. I need more laughter in our home and more fun.”

Parenting is harder today than it was when I was being a parent of boys. So much more pressure to get it right or to be perfect, an overload of information, a sense of competition, less time to be present thanks to our phones and then all the stressors I have listed above.

The parents I speak to are trying so hard to be the parent they want to be, and they beat themselves up in the moments of imperfection and often then drown themselves in guilt afterwards.

It is really hard to find lightness and laughter when the going is tough, however I’m going to argue that this needs to be your priority at every stage of development for our own self-preservation.

I have often said to parents that, seriously, laughing can release the same tension from the body as crying, and you will look a lot better after a good laugh!

The ability to lighten up and to find laughter in everyday activities is a life skill that can be cultivated. Online behaviour, which is driven by our tech companies, is influenced by what we are marinated in. The tech companies have worked out that the more negative content you see online, the more you stay engaged. This simply adds to our stress levels and our negativity.

I would like to see some research done about using humour appropriately, and how we can change these algorithms to marinate us all with moments of lightness. I have a few very favourite reels or videos online that I have bookmarked for the days when I’m feeling weary in the world.

Resilience studies have shown that having a healthy sense of humour can be a protective factor when things get tough. I was blessed with a dad who had a fabulous sense of humour, and I am sure it has helped me to develop my sense of humour which I have taken into my home, my classrooms, my writing and my seminars.

Just this morning I witnessed the power of lightness with one of my granddaughters. She was very upset that Mummy couldn’t find the right headband before heading off to school. Her face was full of angst and sadness as she got in the car. As we headed off with her sister in the back, I began telling some of my funniest Knock Knock jokes. By the time we got to the school gate, both little girls were shining with lots of positive neurochemicals for the school day. It’s such a shame that a sense of humour doesn’t land under the Christmas tree, and that it’s something that we need to encourage and nurture in our homes and our schools.

**The following is an extract from my bestselling book Mothering our Boys. (Feel free to substitute girl wherever I write boy because this applies to girls as much as boys).

The power of laughter

An essential component of having fun is laughter because it releases wonderful feel-good endorphins and neurotransmitters instantly throughout your whole body. Boys are always looking for laughter and lightness in their lives and while some days it will drive us almost crazy, as mums of sons we need to recognise that this is incredibly important.

Laughter shared between two people brings those two people closer together in an incredibly joyful exchange of delight. It does more than that too.

Laughter:

transforms emotional states
stimulates endorphins and creates wellbeing
increases levels of serotonin
is a key coping skill, especially for boys
is an anti-bullying strategy
encourages lightening-up in serious moments
is a bonding experience when shared in groups
builds inclusivity and connectedness, and secures friendships
releases tension and stress
is a key element in effective communication, especially in close relationships
is an antidote to violence.

There are times when young boys use inappropriate humour in certain circumstances. Risqué or ‘shed’ humour has a very important place in the Australian psychology as do our ‘larrikin’ depreciatory humour and language patterns. Culturally we tend to ‘put things down’ or deflate compliments. For example, “Wow, you have scrubbed up pretty good tonight darling!” can be an Australian compliment that is genuinely meant to be kind. An overt compliment like, “Wow, you look amazingly beautiful tonight!” could get you a quick kick in the knee! This cultural nuance needs humour and without it, people can easily take offence.

Apprentice tradespeople are sometimes the brunt of antics and pranks by older staff. Some young folk are asked to find the left-handed screwdriver or the black and white striped paint. If they don’t understand that this is a form of joke, they can feel really shamed when their workmates laugh. So, it is really important that we prioritise helping our little boys to learn the complexities that are a part of a sense of humour.

One way to encourage laughter and lightness in the home is to have fun fact books, joke books and riddle books especially beside the toilet. This is a place that everyone has to visit and having some material that builds a sense of humour is making very valuable use of this little room. These books often combine humour with interesting fun facts and can be educational as well as entertaining.

By reading these books and sharing the funny bits with family, children can learn the nuances of joke telling and of being humorous. This is a very important part of communication among friends and family. Only practise can improve anyone’s ability to be humorous. I can still remember wondering what was wrong with me during my teenage years because I didn’t seem to be able to ‘get’ jokes; I just missed what was funny. I still remember feeling quite stupid as well.

The capacity to laugh deeply and in an uninhibited way is another life skill that takes developing. Children who feel safe and valued can even fall over when they get an attack of giggles or laughter. Lightness and laughter can calm our boys when they are struggling. A positive gauge of the wellbeing of a child can be how often they smile and laugh. It is something that is very difficult to fake as children — if they are unhappy or frightened, their face shows it. As adults we need to treasure these exquisite moments of joy.

On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, “The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents”. – Anonymous

I recommend that parents use props and puppets to increase the levels of lightness in the house. Witch’s hats can warn children that Mum is feeling grumpy and her tiara will help children know she’s feeling happy. Puppets can cheer up any place; they become metaphors that can help with communication so powerfully. I know teachers who have the clean-up puppet, the quiet time mouse, a Tigger puppet for exercise time and the serious owl for proper chats about values. Be adventuresome and lighten up, and your children will come with you. In the process you, too, could make your spirit and heart happier, and help your stress levels dissolve.

One last message on the topic of humour that’s important to teach boys is that there is a difference between when we laugh with people and when we laugh at people. This is a difference many boys find really difficult to distinguish and, indeed, many adults also find this difficult. Be mindful to spend lots of time teaching how words can be helpful or hurtful, and that making fun of people is breaking the three main rules.

The only three rules that matter are…

Please try NOT to:

Hurt yourself
Hurt others
Hurt things in the world around us.

“Humour also assists in accepting life’s imperfections, inevitabilities, difficulties, frustrations and disappointments. It helps us to realise what we cannot control, such as death, the behaviour of other people, incompetence, ageing, physical limitations and illness. Jokes and funny throw away lines can also communicate messages that help us understand what is normal and typical. In knowing that others share some of the same feelings, perceptions and troubles, we feel more empowered to deal with these troubles.”— Helen McGrath and Toni Noble, Bounce Back! Teacher’s Handbook (2006)

Laughter and lightness in homes and classrooms builds safety and connectedness. These are two of the most fundamental needs of every human, not just our children. Seriously, it’s time we all lightened up – even if it’s only for a few moments a day.

Maggie Dent

Grade 5 and 6