Student Wellbeing
Listen to Me!!!
When a child is not listening, it can be incredibly frustrating. Leading Australian parenting organisations like the Raising Children Network and the Triple P - Positive Parenting Program emphasise that listening is a skill that takes time to develop. Often, non-listening happens because children are seeking attention, are confused by inconsistent rules, or get caught up in "accidental rewards"—such as realising that ignoring you delays a task they don't want to do.
1. Connect Before You Direct
- Get on their level: Walk over to your child, squat or kneel down to their physical eye level, and look into their eyes before speaking.
- Use gentle touch: Place a hand on their shoulder or arm to ground their attention before giving an instruction.
Reduce distractions: Ensure televisions, tablets, or gaming consoles are paused or turned off so they can physically focus on you.
2. Change How You Give Instructions
- Use positive phrasing: Instead of telling them what not to do (e.g., "Stop running"), tell them exactly what you want them to do (e.g., "Please walk indoors"). Children process direct commands much more effectively.
- Keep sentences short: Long, winded explanations or lecturing will cause them to tune out. Use few words and simple language.
Have them repeat it back: For younger kids, ask them to say the instruction back to you to ensure their brain has actually processed the verbal request.
3. Provide Controlled Choices
To reduce power struggles, avoid open-ended demands and offer limited peripheral choices. For instance, instead of commanding "Go get dressed right now," try: "Do you want to put your shoes on first, or your shirt?". This gives the child a sense of autonomy while still ensuring the task gets done.
4. Set Clear Rules and Follow Through
- Give warnings for transitions: Give a 5-minute alert before changing activities so they can mentally prepare to wrap up what they are doing.
- Apply consistent consequences: If an instruction is ignored after a clear warning, follow through immediately with a fair, calm, and age-appropriate consequence. This might mean losing access to a toy or a privilege for a brief period. Avoid yelling, as it teaches kids to wait until you are angry before they actually comply.
- Praise the good moments: "Catch" your child listening well and praise them immediately. Positive reinforcement makes them much more likely to repeat the behaviour.
- Raising Children Network: Funded by the Australian Government, this platform offers extensive guides on encouraging positive behaviour and handling preschooler behaviour.
- Triple P - Positive Parenting Program: Offers evidence-based parenting courses, practical tip sheets, and specialized guidance (such as Stepping Stones for children with additional developmental needs).
