Deputy Principal

‘Why are they all so…judgy?’ For girls, it is so much more than a choice. 

During staff week and this week, I, along with members of the College Leadership Team, have been interviewing Year 11 students who have applied for Captaincy in 2027. For each girl, I step outside the script. While I have these highly enthusiastic and capable Mt A students in front of me, I ask an important question. ‘What do our girls need right now?’

Many have answered with statements on this key theme: What frightens girls the most is the thought of being judged by the people around them and feeling embarrassed. We want less judgement here! 

So, if the girls want less judgement and the staff at Mt A are asking our girls to be vulnerable, try new things and be open to disappointment and failure as a learning experience, why is it not working? 

It is one of those moments where a student names something that adults have been circling around without being able to land upon it. When I speak with staff about what they notice, the hesitation they describe is rarely about the task itself. It is about the audience and how peers will respond to what they see. 

Student voice is highly prized at Mt A.  I’ve asked the question. They’ve given me their answer. It has sent me on a quest to understand this more.  

For years, Carol Dweck and her ‘growth mindset’ philosophy has been offered and delivered in most classrooms. It’s all about the effort and being ‘comfortable in the uncomfortable’ as we learn and grow. But there is a related and distinct fear that sits underneath much of what we observe in girls. Psychologists call it fear of negative evaluation: worry that others are forming a poor opinion of you, along with a tendency to overestimate how likely that judgement is. Embarrassment is the feeling that follows. It is the fear of being judged driving the hesitation for girls in the first place. 

Fear of failure is real for girls, and the evidence on this is clear. A large study of Swedish adolescents published in the European Journal of Public Health (and I thank other authors for summarising this lengthy document for me!) found that fear of failure was more pronounced in girls than boys and more strongly linked to the stress that followed. It is about whether she meets the standard for herself…and who is watching her get it wrong. 

We do not need to look overseas for answers. A recent study by researchers at the University of the Sunshine Coast gives us more insight. The study looked at more than 170 young people aged 13 to 15 and found that those who tried to stay unnoticed to avoid being judged by their peers felt lonelier. They also reported lower levels of trust, connection and participation in their friendships. The researchers described this as a continuous cycle. A girl may withdraw to avoid judgement, but then she misses a chance to practise trust, join in, and learn the give and take of friendship. As a result, she feels more alone and may withdraw even further. 

A reviewer of this research noted that, surprisingly, the young people most affected by this fear are often those who are highly empathetic and good at understanding other people's perspectives. The same qualities that help a girl connect with and care about others can also make her more sensitive to how others might judge her. These girls do not struggle socially because they lack social skills. In fact, they are often very skilled at building relationships and understanding the feelings of others. 

It also shows up in girls developmentally in the early secondary years. The fear that comes with being judged is not based on confidence or status. It registers in the brain as a genuine threat, as part of the neuroscience of a brain in the puberty and post-puberty years. 

So, stopping the judgement that frightens them all and disrupts the harmony of the campus, is not something that can simply be switched off. It is how she is hard-wired! 

Schools and families can play a role in creating the circuit break. 

The change won’t happen in the big moments. It’s the small ones:  A question asked in class, a girl invited to sit with her, offering an answer to the teacher’s question. Small moments of being seen, repeated over time, loosen the grip of this fear rather than waiting for confidence to arrive first. 

Modelling imperfection and vulnerability helps. Girls watch the adults in their lives closely. A story about a moment where you experienced a setback and how it did not define you offers that being judged is survivable, because you survived it. 

Telling a teen girl she should not care what others think is a timeless go-to. However, this well-meant dismissal sends a message that her feelings don’t count.  Listening first and then helping her think through what one manageable step might look like tends to be far more useful. 

And so, the hard work begins. We know it will be worth it. 

Every blessing. 

Michelle Licina 

Deputy Principal – Student Development & Wellbeing 

Works Cited: 

Cashman, M. R., Strandh, M., & Högberg, B. (2024). Does fear-of-failure mediate the relationship between educational expectations and stress-related complaints among Swedish adolescents? A structural equation modelling approach. European Journal of Public Health, 34(1), 101–106. https://doi.org/10.1093/eurpub/ckad200  

Hall, H., Millear, P., & Summers, M. (2026). Modelling adolescent loneliness via empathy, social goals and social capital: A self-determination theoretical perspective. Child & Youth Care Forum. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10566-026-09923-6