Well-being

Helping Children With Their Worries

Worries are a normal part of growing up. From starting a new activity or making friends to performing in front of the class, sleeping away from home or wondering what might happen tomorrow, children can experience worries in many different ways. Learning how to recognise and manage worries is an important part of developing emotional wellbeing and resilience.

What worries are common?

Children's worries often change as they grow. Some common worries include:

• Being away from parents or carers
• Making friends or having friendship difficulties
• Trying something new
• Making mistakes or getting something wrong
• Tests, presentations or schoolwork
• Changes to routines or family circumstances
• Being scared of the dark, storms, animals or other things
• Worrying about what other people think of them

Having worries does not mean that something is wrong. In fact, experiencing manageable worries can give children opportunities to practise coping, problem-solving and asking for help.

As children move into the upper primary years, their worries can become more complex. They are developing greater independence, becoming more aware of how others see them and beginning to think more deeply about the future.

Some common worries could include; 

• Friendships: fitting in, being left out, friendship disagreements or worrying about what others think.
• School: assessments, homework, getting things wrong, keeping up with learning or meeting expectations.
• Performance: sport, music, public speaking, performing or comparing their abilities with others.
• Independence: travelling to school, being responsible for belongings, making decisions or having more responsibilities.
• Change: moving into secondary school, changes in friendships, teachers or routines.
• Family: worrying about family members, changes at home or wanting to make their parents/carers proud.
• Social and online experiences: navigating group chats, gaming, social media and concerns about being included or excluded.

At this age, children may also be less likely to simply say "I'm worried." Instead, worry might show up as irritability, frustration, withdrawing from others, difficulty concentrating, avoiding activities, seeking repeated reassurance or becoming upset about seemingly small things.

How we support children at school

At school, we want children to know that they don't have to manage their worries alone. Teachers and wellbeing staff can listen, help students identify what they are feeling, practise strategies with them and work with families when additional support may be helpful.

Students are encouraged to speak with their classroom teacher or a trusted adult at school when something is worrying them. Sometimes a worry can be helped by talking it through, making a plan or practising a strategy together.

Our goal is not to remove every worry from children's lives. Instead, we want to help children develop the confidence and skills to say, "I can notice my worry, I can use a strategy, and I can ask for help when I need it."

Supporting children to understand that worries are a normal part of life while also giving them the skills to manage them helps build resilience, confidence and emotional wellbeing.

Helpful Strategies children can use

At school, we are helping students build a toolbox of strategies they can use when they notice a worry.

Some strategies children can practise include:

• Name the worry- Putting a worry into words can help make it feel more manageable. "I'm worried about getting something wrong."
• Slow down and breathe- Take a few slow breaths and give your body a chance to settle.
• Helpful self-talk- Encourage children to replace unhelpful thoughts with realistic and encouraging ones, such as "I can have a go, Mistakes help me learn, I can ask for help."
• Focus on the next step- Rather than thinking about the whole problem, ask: "What is one small thing I can do next?"
• Talk to someone- Encourage children to identify trusted adults they can talk to when a worry feels too big to manage on their own.

What can families do to help?

When your child is worried, our first instinct can be to quickly reassure them or try to make the worry disappear. Instead, try taking a moment to listen, acknowledge and support.

You might say:

• "I can see that you're worried. It makes sense that you might feel that way."
• "Let's work out what we can do together."
• "You don't have to solve the whole problem right now. Let's think about the next small step."

Try to avoid telling children to "stop worrying" or "there's nothing to worry about". While these comments are well-intentioned, they can sometimes make children feel that their feelings aren't being understood.

Families can also help by talking about your own worries aloud and saying how you process them, and actions you will take to overcome them is important for children to see that worries are natural and there are strategies to deal with them. Children learn a great deal from seeing the adults around them manage challenges calmly and positively.

For our older children, this is an important time to help children develop independence in managing their worries. Rather than immediately solving a problem for them, adults can support children to think through the situation themselves:

• What is worrying you?
• What part of this can you control?
• What could you try?
• Who could help you if you get stuck?

We can reassure children while still giving them opportunities to practise coping and problem-solving. The goal is not for children to never feel worried. It is for them to develop the confidence to experience a worry, use a strategy and know when to ask for help.

When should we be concerned?

It is normal for children to have worries. What is more important is how often the worry occurs, how intense it feels and whether it is getting in the way of everyday life.

Families may want to seek additional external support if a child's worries are persistent or increasing and begin to affect things such as:

• attending school or participating in activities
• friendships and family relationships
• sleep or everyday routines
• learning and concentration
• eating or general wellbeing
• their willingness to try age-appropriate activities

If you notice significant or ongoing changes in your child's behaviour or wellbeing, it is important to talk with someone you trust, such as your GP or another appropriate health professional.

Johanne Abbott

Well-being