Supporting Kids Through Family Change: What We’re Seeing and How We Can Help

In the school counselling space this year, one theme has stood out as both common and deeply impactful: family separation. Separation and divorce are not uncommon, but what we’re increasingly noticing is how significantly they can affect children’s emotional wellbeing, friendships, concentration and behaviour at school.

While each family’s situation is unique, there are patterns we see in how children process these changes—and in what helps them most during difficult times. The goal here is not to tell anyone how to parent during separation. We know how complex, emotional and exhausting the process can be. Rather, we’d like to offer some gentle reminders and supportive tips that may help parents navigating separation to protect their children’s wellbeing and sense of security.

1. Keep Children Out of the Middle

Children should never feel caught in the crossfire of adult conflict. This means shielding them from heated arguments, accusations, or negative talk about the other parent. No matter what has happened in the relationship, children still love and rely on both parents. When they hear one parent speak badly about the other, it can be deeply confusing and painful—and often backfires, causing kids to feel torn, guilty or anxious.

2. Don’t Lean on Children as Emotional Supports

It’s natural to want to talk when you’re hurting, but children aren’t equipped to carry adult emotional burdens. When a child becomes a parent’s confidant, it places them in an adult role they aren’t ready for. Children do best when they’re supported to focus on their own growth—at school, in friendships, sport, play and rest. If you need to talk, please lean on other adults you trust, or consider professional support.

3. Be Honest—But Age-Appropriate

Kids need to trust their parents to be truthful with them, especially when big changes are happening. You don’t have to go into detail, but naming feelings like sadness, stress, or uncertainty in a calm, age-appropriate way helps children feel safe and included. For example, “We’re going through a big change right now, and it’s okay to feel a bit wobbly. We’ll get through this together.” Being open helps build trust and resilience.

4. Model Respectful Communication

Even if you and your co-parent disagree, showing basic civility in front of your children is incredibly powerful. Kids learn how to handle conflict by watching the adults in their lives. If they see that people can disagree and still treat each other respectfully, they are more likely to develop the same skills in their own relationships.

5. Give Children Clear, Concrete Information

When change is coming—such as one parent moving out or routines shifting—children need to know what’s happening and when. Sharing clear, practical details about where they’ll live, who will pick them up, and what will stay the same helps reduce anxiety. It’s okay if you don’t have all the answers straight away—just be honest about that too, and reassure them that they’ll be kept in the loop.

6. Validate Their Feelings and Questions

Children of all ages need to feel that their thoughts and worries are heard and taken seriously. Create space for open-ended questions: “Do you have any questions?” or “How are you feeling about all of this?” Kids may not always speak up straight away, but knowing you’re willing to listen makes all the difference.

7. Prioritise the Child’s Needs in Big Decisions

Separation often involves decisions around finances, housing, routines and legal arrangements. These are hard conversations, but we encourage parents to keep the child’s experience front and centre. What will feel safest, most stable, and least disruptive to them? What allows them to maintain strong relationships with both parents, wherever possible?

8. Reassure Them That They Are Loved

Above all, children need to know that while the relationship between their parents may be ending, their parents’ love for them is not. Reassure them often. Tell them directly, and show it in your presence, attention and care. Kids don’t need perfection—just consistent love and the knowledge that the grown-ups are doing their best to look after them.

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Final Thoughts

There’s no sugar-coating it—divorce and separation are tough. But with care and thoughtful communication, they don’t have to leave lasting scars on our children. In fact, when handled with sensitivity, these transitions can teach resilience, empathy, and the power of healthy relationships.

If your family is going through a separation and you’re unsure how to support your child during the process, please know you’re not alone. Our school counselling team is here to help—whether it’s to offer resources, check in on your child, or just listen.

We’re all in this together, and every child deserves to feel safe, loved, and supported—especially during times of change.

Warm regards,

Renee, Tim, Pi & Carla

The Counselling Team

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