Mental Health & Wellbeing Students/Parents/Carers Support 

Mental Health and Wellbeing Update

 Nikki Olsen 

Mistakes are not the opposite of learning - they are part of learning. When children feel safe to get something wrong, they are more willing to attempt challenging work, accept feedback, ask for help and try again.

When mistakes feel too big

Many children dislike being wrong. This is normal. The concern is not high standards themselves, but when fear of mistakes begins to limit learning, participation or wellbeing. A child who is worried about getting things wrong might:

     • avoid starting unfamiliar or difficult work

     • erase, rewrite or check work repeatedly

     • become very upset by correction or feedback

     • say “I’m bad at this”, “I can’t” or “Everyone else is better”

     • seek repeated reassurance that their work is right

     • give up, rush, refuse or become angry when success is uncertain.

These responses can look like defiance, lack of effort or overreaction. Often, however, the child is trying to escape embarrassment, disappointment or the fear that a mistake says something negative about them.

A simple response: Feel - Calm - Think - Try

At school, a useful sequence is to help children notice the feeling, settle their body, choose a next step and re-enter the task. Families can use the same language at home:

Six ways to build a “try again” mindset at home

• 1. Name the feeling before solving the problem. “You look disappointed. You worked hard and it did not turn out as you hoped.” Feeling understood helps children settle enough to think.

• 2. Praise what the child did, not a fixed quality. Notice preparation, persistence, strategy, courage and improvement: “You tried two different ways” or “You stayed with that even when it was hard.”

• 3. Model ordinary mistakes. Say calmly, “I sent that message to the wrong person. I feel embarrassed. I’ll correct it.” Children learn from how adults recover, not from adults pretending to be perfect.

• 4. Give help without taking over. Ask, “Would you like a hint, help with the first step, or a minute to try?” Too much rescuing can unintentionally tell a child that difficult feelings or tasks are unmanageable.

• 5. Keep the mistake specific. Separate the action from the child: “That answer needs another look” rather than “You know better than that” A mistake is information about the task, not a judgement about the person.

• 6. Practice self-compassion. Help children speak to themselves as they would to a friend: “This is hard. Everyone gets things wrong. I can take one small next step.”

Helpful language: small changes that reduce pressure

Try this at home: the family “learning moment”

Once or twice a week, invite each family member to share:

     • something that did not go as planned

     • how they felt

     • what they tried next

     • what they might do differently next time

Keep it light and voluntary. Adults should share too. The aim is not to celebrate careless mistakes; it is to show that errors, feedback and adjustment are normal parts of learning.

When additional support may help

Consider speaking with your GP or a psychologist if fear of mistakes is persistent and is significantly affecting learning, sleep, friendships, family life or participation. Seek support particularly when you notice intense distress, frequent school avoidance, repeated reassurance-seeking, or very harsh self-criticism. If you would like further information or support, please feel free to contact me via the school office or by email.

Trusted Australian resources

Raising Children Network: Self-compassion for children 3-8 years - Practical guidance for helping children respond kindly to failures, mistakes and setbacks.

Raising Children Network: Helpful thinking activity - A simple family activity for noticing unhelpful thoughts and practicing more balanced thinking.

Be You: Fostering growth mindsets - An evidence-informed recording and handout about creating environments where children can attempt, make mistakes and try again.

Centre for Clinical Interventions: Perfectionism resources - Western Australian evidence-based information about healthy high standards and unhelpful perfectionism. The detailed workbooks are written mainly for adults but can help parents understand the pattern.

Information in this update draws on resources from Raising Children Network (supported by the Australian Government), Be You and the Western Australian Centre for Clinical Interventions, together with Ripponlea Primary School’s Managing Mistakes classroom approach.