Wellbeing

We alI want our kids 

to have friends.

So when your child is being left out, struggling to connect, or telling you, “Nobody wants to play with me,” it can really hurt. And as parents, it’s hard to know what to do. Do we step in? Arrange playdates? Talk to the teacher? Teach them what to say? The good news is that social skills can grow, and much of that learning happens through the ordinary experiences children have every day.

Start At Home

Before worrying about whether your child has enough friends, think about the skills underneath friendship. At home, we can help children practice:

Empathy- Let them see kindness, compassion, and respect in the way your family treats one another.

Conversation- Put the devices away sometimes. Eat together. Ask questions. Tell stories. Give children lots of opportunities to practice real back-and-forth conversation.

Cooperation- Play games, do projects, cook together, and give children opportunities to compromise, take turns, and work through disagreements.

Emotional regulation- Friendships can be frustrating! Children need our help learning how to handle disappointment, anger, jealousy, and rejection without becoming completely overwhelmed.

Repair- Teach children that making a mistake doesn't mean a friendship is over. Model how to apologize, make things right, forgive, and try again.

And Then… Let Them Play

One of the best places for children to learn social skills is simply playing with other children.

During child-led play, kids have to figure things out.

Whose idea are we going with?Was I too rough?How do I join in?What happens when someone says no?How do we keep the game going?

We don't have to teach every one of these lessons. Sometimes we need to give children enough space to learn from them.

And remember: A child doesn't need to be the most popular kid in the room.

They need opportunities to connect, practice, make mistakes, repair, and slowly discover:

“I know how to be a friend.” 

Is your child struggling to make friends?

Tania & Tammy talk about what may be happening underneath social struggles and what parents can do to help. (@18 min video):

When a Child Struggles Making Friends at School 

Juliette Hancke

Wellbeing Leader