Mental Health & Wellbeing

Helping Children Navigate Social Challenges

As children grow, friendships and social situations become increasingly complex. Someone may not invite them to play, a friend may say something hurtful, they may lose a game, disagree with someone or feel that they have been treated unfairly. For young children, these experiences can feel very significant.

Part of growing up is learning how to navigate these moments.

Sometimes children can become stuck in a ‘this always happens to me’ way of thinking. Rather than seeing themselves as someone who can make choices and influence what happens next, they can begin to feel that situations are simply happening to them. When this happens, it can be difficult for children to see what they can do differently or how they can move forward.

Parents also sometimes unintentionally reinforce this mindset too. When our child is upset, our natural instinct is to protect them and make things better. We might immediately agree that another child was wrong, contact the school, solve the problem for them or reassure them that they did nothing wrong. While this comes from a place of love, it doesn’t help empower your child, or give them tools to fix the problem.

This doesn't mean that children should be expected to deal with difficult situations alone. Children absolutely need adults to listen, take their concerns seriously and step in when something is unsafe or inappropriate.

However, children also need opportunities to develop the confidence and skills to make choices, solve problems, ask for help and take appropriate action themselves. We don't want children to believe that they should simply put up with poor behaviour or deal with difficult situations alone. Equally, we don't want them to believe that every problem needs to be solved by an adult.

One of the most helpful messages we can give our children is:

I can see that this was hard for you, and I know you can work out what to do next.

When your child comes home with a social problem, try listening first and then asking questions such as:

That sounds really upsetting. What happened?
How did that make you feel?
What do you think you could do next?
What part of this is within your control?
Would you like me to help you think of some options?
Who could you ask for help if it happens again?

We can also encourage children to practise simple skills such as walking away, using their words, asking to join a game, finding another friend, apologising, trying again or seeking help from a trusted adult.

Building this mindset takes time. It is not about telling children to ‘toughen up’ or dismissing their feelings. It is about validating the feeling while building the skill.

Our goal is not to remove every social problem from our children's lives. It is to help them develop the confidence, resilience and problem-solving skills to navigate life's ups and downs - knowing that the adults around them are there to support them, but also believing in their ability to have a go themselves.

Mental Health & Wellbeing

Helping Children Navigate Social Challenges

Further reading for families