MHiPS

When Your Child Loves School but Struggles to Get There

"She has a great day once she's here, but every morning is a battle."

If this sounds familiar, you are not alone. Some children experience significant anxiety around the transition from home to school. They may complain of tummy aches, become tearful, refuse to get dressed, cling to parents, or seem overwhelmed by the thought of leaving home. 

Yet when they arrive at school, they often settle quickly, engage with friends, and enjoy their learning.

This can be confusing for families. If children are happy at school, why is getting there so difficult?

The answer is that anxiety is not always about the destination. Often, it is about the transition. Leaving the safety and predictability of home requires children to manage uncertainty, separate from caregivers, and shift into a new environment. For some children, that transition feels much bigger than it appears from the outside.

What Can Parents Do?

While every child is different, simple, consistent routines can make a significant difference.

Keep Goodbyes Short and Predictable

It is natural to want to comfort a distressed child. However, long goodbyes can sometimes increase anxiety by unintentionally sending the message that there is something to worry about.

Try using a calm and consistent goodbye routine each day:

• Hug
• Positive statement ("I know you can do this.")
• Goodbye phrase
• Leave confidently

Children gain confidence when adults communicate that school is a safe and manageable place to be.

Focus on Small Steps

Anxious children often feel overwhelmed when thinking about the whole morning. Breaking the routine into small, achievable steps can help.

For example:

1. Get dressed
2. Eat breakfast
3. Brush teeth
4. Put on shoes
5. Get into the car
6. Walk through the school gate

Celebrating success at each step helps children experience progress rather than pressure.

Use a Sticker Chart

A sticker chart can be a powerful tool for building confidence and motivation.

Rather than rewarding attendance alone, focus on the small actions that help children move towards school successfully.

Example Morning Success Chart

At the end of the week, children might exchange their stickers for:

• Extra playtime
• Choosing a family game
• A special outing to the park
• Staying up 15 minutes later on a Friday
• Choosing Friday night's movie

The goal is not perfection. The goal is recognising effort and bravery.

Acknowledge Feelings While Encouraging Action

Children need to feel understood, but they also need confidence that they can cope.

Try saying:

✅ "I can see you're feeling worried."

✅ "Sometimes our brains tell us things are harder than they really are."

✅ "You've done this before and you got through it."

✅ "Being brave doesn't mean not feeling worried. It means doing it anyway."

Avoid spending too much time reassuring children that nothing bad will happen, as this can accidentally reinforce anxious thinking.

Create a Calm Morning Routine

Rushed mornings can increase everyone's stress levels.

Consider:

• Preparing lunches and bags the night before
• Using visual schedules
• Having a consistent wake-up time
• Limiting screens before school
• Allowing extra time for children who need a slower start

Predictability helps children feel secure.

Working Together

When children experience school anxiety, a partnership between home and school is incredibly important. Teachers can help create consistent strategies that support the child both at home and at school.

Remember, progress is often gradual. Some mornings will be easier than others. Celebrate the small wins and recognise the courage it takes for children to face their worries.

*written in conjunction with AI

Melissa McLeod

Mental Health & Wellbeing Leader