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Self Regulation

Emotional self-regulation is the ability to recognise and manage feelings, thoughts, and behaviours in different situations. It is one of the key developmental skills that typically improves as children grow. For example, a five-year-old is generally better able to calm themselves and respond appropriately than a two-year-old. When children struggle to develop these skills, they may react impulsively, become overwhelmed easily, or have frequent emotional outbursts. Parent support and evidence-based strategies can play an important role in helping children strengthen their self-regulation skills, and many older children continue to benefit from learning healthy ways to manage their emotions and behaviour.

What is self regulation?

Self-regulation is the ability to understand, manage, and respond to emotions and behaviours in a way that fits the situation. It involves staying in control when emotions run high, calming down after becoming upset, coping with unexpected changes, and dealing with frustration without reacting impulsively. As children develop these skills, they become better able to think before they act, make positive choices, and stay focused on their goals, even when situations are challenging. Strong self-regulation skills provide the foundation for learning, building healthy relationships, and successfully navigating everyday life.

So, what does emotional dysregulation look like?

Emotional dysregulation can look different for each child. Some children have instant responses to dysregulation where behaviours can be large and loud- and they come on quickly. Other children have small moments of stress compounding over time and that eventually leads to a behavioural outburst.

The key for both types of kids, is to learn ways to handle their emotions with more effective and less disruptive behaviour

How can you help?

Before we discuss strategies, if you have any concerns about your child’s ability to self regulate, please see your GP and engage in external support. These are just some things you might like to try. It does not replace professional, therapeutic advice.

The environment plays a role: If adults give in to tantrums or spend lots of time soothing a child’s behaviour, it can result in kids finding it hard to develop self discipline. Instead, allow the child to struggle (safely) and support them through the challenge.
Practice your own self regulation first.
Break down steps: Divide stressful routines (like morning departures or homework) into tiny, manageable pieces.
Role-play scenarios: Practice tricky transitions or responses during calm times through play or pretend scenarios.
Keep predictable routines: Clear expectations lower daily stress and anxiety for kids.
Praise effort: Focus your feedback on their hard work and small wins rather than perfection or the accomplishment of goals.

For more information on self regulation, please see the sources below.

Sources:

Child Mind Institute https://childmind.org/article/can-help-kids-self-regulation/

Australian Psychological Society https://psychology.org.au/for-members/publications/inpsych/2021/april-may-issue-2/parents-responses-to-their-childrens-emotional-e

The Conversation https://theconversation.com/big-feelings-5-ways-parents-can-help-kids-learn-to-regulate-their-emotions-275173

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