SCHOOL REFUSAL - PARENT INFORMATION

School refusal is the term used when a student is avoiding school. There is generally no single cause of school refusal and it is likely that there are a number of contributing factors. School refusal is not the same as truancy (which is when a parent doesn’t know the child is not attending school) or school withdrawal (when a parent condones a child’s non-attendance).

With school refusal, the young person usually wants to attend school but cannot see a way to overcome the problems that they believe make it impossible for them to attend and they determine that staying away from school will resolve the problems. Avoiding school typically generates a range of other difficulties that come to serve as further reasons why the student can’t attend school.

There are serious risks for the student into the future when attendance problems such as school refusal are unidentified and unmanaged. According to Associate Professor Michael Gordon, Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist, problematic attendance patterns have negative implications for a young person’s academic success, employment prospects, mental and physical health outcomes, social network and skills in problem solving and coping.

Issues often observed alongside school refusal:

Frequent school absences or part day attendance

Frequently feeling sick, for example, sore tummy, reporting to sick bay

Unwilling or unable to present in front of the class or avoidance of ‘performance’ related tasks

Absenteeism on certain days, for example, school sports days, tests

Social withdrawal or problems with social connectedness

Lots of text messages home seeking support for retrieval from school

Problematic behaviors, including aggression or defiance

Excessive worry or need for reassurance

Mood disturbance

Fears that don’t make sense or seem out of proportion

Distorted view of reality

Difficulty associated with dealing with family distress or turmoil

Attendance in the past, for example, when starting school or during transitions

Parents have the most important role when it comes to getting their child back to school and they need the support of the right team of people working toward the same goal. Outlined below is critical information for parents. Make sure that your child is medically assessed to see if any medical conditions are impacting your child’s ability to attend school. Be aware that anxiety and depression frequently play a role with school refusal and therefore mental health should also be assessed.

Consider your child’s motivation for avoiding school. Sometimes young people can’t deal with school because they aren’t yet able to manage the pressures associated with school, like presenting in front of the class, organising themselves to get their assignments done, managing friendship dynamics or possibly being socially disconnected. Sometimes, life away from school is a whole lot easier to manage, more comfortable or perhaps more exciting than school. For some, there is a fear of separating from a loved one or situation.

Many factors influence what school refusal looks like for an individual so it is important that your child’s particular situation is well understood. If ‘bigger picture’ factors are affecting your child, then take steps to rectify the problems in a sensitive and meaningful way.

Work with the school and make sure your child is familiar with their support network, including that they are linked with peers in the classroom setting. Ensure that the right people are on the team and collaborating to help set up a successful return to school. Be prepared for false starts, setbacks and challenges.

Regardless of marital or living arrangements, parents need to parent collaboratively and constructively. For those that are solo parenting or for other reasons cannot have the other parent involved, consider engaging supports from a reliable family member or a friend that you think can work well with the team. Share the responsibility and work with each other’s strengths toward the common goal of getting your child back to school.

Do things gradually and purposefully and ensure your language and actions send a clear message to your child that they expected to go to school and will be returning to school. Engage with psychological services as needed and employ strategies so that you and your child can cope with the stress and the pressures associated with getting back to school.

Review your parenting strategies for effectiveness, and engage specialist help if needed. Establish clear expectations about access to and use of social media and gaming platforms, monitor and be prepared to follow through if your child is not managing. Set your child up for success by making and modelling good lifestyle choices within the family. Establish routines for the whole day, with special attention to bedtimes and mornings.

Reward actions, not promises! Reward the behaviours that you want to see. Pay particular attention to rewarding school related efforts.

Use a firm, but kind approach. Don’t be overly attentive to the young person’s distress when coming to school as this may fuel anxiety and create a mechanism that the young person uses to avoid school. Avoid inadvertently colluding with the problem through your own language or actions.

Get your ducks lined up. Be prepared to develop plan that you will use to get your child to school. Most young people do not come back to school without significant and substantial input from their parents and there is usually a lot of resistance from the young person because returning to school is stressful and daunting. Parents may feel disempowered and ineffectual in the face school refusal. Remember that kids do best when their parents are looking after themselves, as well as those in their care so find the little things that help protect and replenish your own health and wellbeing.

Please take the time to reflect on this information. You are welcome to raise any concerns you may have about your child with their House Leader or you can contact me through the Front Office.

Ms Anne Hodkinson | College Psychologist

"Mater Dei Matters"

Issue 7 · 23 May 2019

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