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Mental Health and Wellbeing Update

Nikki Olsen

MENTAL HEALTH & WELLBEING UPDATE

SUPPORTING REGULAR SCHOOL ATTENDANCE AND ON-TIME ARRIVAL

SUPPORTING REGULAR SCHOOL ATTENDANCE AND ON-TIME ARRIVAL

Regular attendance gives children the best opportunity to feel connected, maintain friendships, develop confidence and keep up with their learning. Arriving on time also helps children begin the day calmly, understand the morning instructions and feel part of their class.

This week’s key message: Attendance difficulties are rarely caused by one issue. The most effective response is to understand what is making attendance difficult and develop a consistent, supportive family-school plan.

Notice the early signs

Attendance difficulties can develop gradually.

Early signs may include:

frequent lateness or difficulty getting ready in the morning
complaints of feeling sick before school
distress during separation or repeated requests to stay home
asking to be collected early or missing particular days, subjects or activities
attending school but struggling to settle, participate or remain in class
increasing tiredness, worry, irritability or withdrawal.

Responding early can prevent the pattern from becoming more established.

Understanding the four drivers of school refusal

Christopher Kearney and Anne Marie Albano are clinical psychologists who specialise in childhood anxiety and school refusal. They identify four main functions—or drivers—that may be maintaining a child’s attendance difficulty.

These are not labels for children. A child may experience more than one driver, and the pattern may change over time.

DRIVER	WHAT IT MAY LOOK LIKE	MATCH THE PLAN TO THE DRIVER
1. Avoiding general distress associated with school	School creates strong negative feelings or physical symptoms. The child may say, ‘I feel sick’, ‘I hate school’ or ‘I can’t go’ without identifying one particular situation. Staying home provides immediate relief, which can unintentionally strengthen avoidance.	Teach coping and emotional-regulation skills. Maintain predictable routines and support the child to gradually face manageable anxiety while continuing to attend school.
2. Escaping difficult social, learning or performance situations	The child may fear mistakes, reading aloud, tests, difficult work, being behind, peer interactions, bullying, toilets, sport, a particular class or another situation in which they expect embarrassment, failure or distress.	Identify and address the specific trigger. Provide appropriate support for learning needs, bullying, friendships, fear of mistakes, sensory demands or performance anxiety.
3. Gaining attention or closeness with a parent or significant adult	The child may want to remain close to a parent, require prolonged goodbyes, repeatedly contact home or seek early collection. The distress can be genuine; however, extra closeness and repeated reassurance may unintentionally maintain the pattern.	Use a planned handover with the teacher and a brief, calm and confident goodbye. Reduce repeated reassurance and gradually increase the child’s independence.
4. Accessing more rewarding experiences outside school	Staying home may provide screens, gaming, sleeping late, preferred activities, special food or extended time with a parent. These rewards can make non-attendance more likely, even when they were not the original reason the difficulty began.	Keep home days calm, structured and neutral. Limit highly preferred activities during school hours, maintain a school-day routine and recognise successful attendance.

Important: Understanding the driver helps us choose strategies that address what may be maintaining the attendance difficulty.

Some barriers—such as friendship issues, learning needs, illness or family stress—need to be addressed directly.

When your child says, “I can’t go”

A child’s distress may be genuine, even when there is no immediate danger. Parents can acknowledge the feeling while calmly maintaining the expectation of school attendance.

“I can see that this feels hard. We will help you through it.”
“You don’t have to feel completely calm before you go.”
“Feeling worried doesn’t mean you can’t do it.”
“We have a plan, and the school knows how to support you.”
“You can do hard things, even when you feel worried.”

Try to avoid lengthy discussions, repeated reassurance or negotiating about attendance during the morning rush. These conversations can unintentionally increase anxiety and delay the transition.

Create a predictable morning routine

A calm, predictable routine reduces the number of decisions and negotiations required before school.

Prepare clothes, lunches and school bags the night before.
Maintain consistent bedtime and waking times.
Use a simple visual checklist and give one instruction at a time.
Allow enough travel time to arrive before the bell.
Keep adult language calm, brief and confident.
Avoid debating whether the child will attend.
Use the same plan each morning and recognise each step towards independence.

Whenever possible, difficult conversations should occur later, when everyone is calm—not at the school gate or during the morning rush.

Use a brief and confident goodbye

Long or repeated goodbyes can unintentionally communicate that separation is unsafe or unmanageable. A predictable goodbye helps the child know what will happen.

Arrive at school in time for the usual morning routine.

Follow the school’s usual arrival and drop-off procedures.

Give one hug or another brief, agreed farewell.

Use the same short goodbye statement.

Leave calmly and allow your child to begin their school routine.

A suggested script:

“I love you. You are safe, and I know you can manage this. I will see you after school.”

Avoid returning for another goodbye once the handover has occurred. A calm and consistent response shows confidence in the child and the school’s ability to support them.

Support brave behaviour

Notice and praise the specific behaviour you want to encourage:

“You got dressed even though you felt worried.”
“You walked through the gate independently.”
“You used your coping statement.”
“You said goodbye and went with your teacher.”
“You arrived on time and began your morning routine.”

Praise effort, courage and progress rather than waiting for the morning to be completely free of distress.

A reward chart may help when it is linked to a clear behaviour the child can control, such as getting ready, leaving home on time, using the planned goodbye or beginning the classroom routine. It should not depend on the child never feeling anxious.

If your child stays home

If your child is genuinely unwell, they should receive appropriate care and time to recover. When a child stays home because of attendance-related distress, keep the day calm, safe and neutral. Where appropriate:

maintain normal waking and meal times
limit gaming, screens and highly preferred activities during school hours
avoid turning the day into special one-to-one time
complete suitable schoolwork if provided
prepare for returning to school as soon as possible.

This is not intended as a punishment. The aim is to keep the day calm and consistent with a usual school-day routine.

Why being on time matters

Frequent lateness can make school more difficult. A child who arrives late may miss instructions and learning, enter after routines have begun, feel noticed or embarrassed, find it harder to settle and miss opportunities to connect with classmates.

For a child experiencing anxiety, arriving before the bell often provides time to settle, connect with staff and begin the day predictably.

Work in partnership with the school

Please contact the school if you notice an ongoing pattern of lateness, distress or non-attendance. Sharing your concerns early can help families and school staff better understand what may be contributing to the difficulty and consider appropriate next steps.

The shared goal is to support regular attendance, participation, wellbeing and increasing independence.

When additional support may help

Consider seeking additional support when distress is severe or increasing; physical complaints are frequent; absences are increasing; morning distress regularly lasts a long time; the child cannot participate after arriving; anxiety affects sleep, eating, friendships or family life; or the current plan is not resulting in improvement.

Families may wish to speak with the child’s teacher, the school wellbeing team, their GP, pediatrician or an appropriate mental health professional.

This week’s takeaway

Attendance difficulties are not usually resolved by simply telling a child not to worry. Children need adults to listen carefully, understand the barriers, provide appropriate support and calmly maintain the expectation of attendance wherever it is safe and reasonable to do so.

Small, consistent steps—supported by a shared family and school plan—can help children rebuild confidence, connection and independence.

Trusted resources

Please contact me through the school email if you would like to discuss this further.

Nikki

Mental Health and Wellbeing Leader