The Wellbeing Page
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Talking about child sexual abuse online with 0 to 12 year olds
(eSafety Commissioner Website: click here)
Some topics are hard to talk about, even with other adults. But discussing online sexual abuse with children in honest, age-appropriate ways helps keep them safe and supports healthy development. These conversations are incredibly important to be having with your child or young person at home. They are usually most effective when it’s part of wider conversations about online safety and sexuality.
The data:
- The Australian Child Maltreatment Study, conducted in 2024, found that around 1 in 13 children have experienced a sexual image of them being shared without their consent before the age of 18 (this is image-based abuse);
- Nearly 1 in 5 have experienced sexual grooming behaviour from adults. These numbers are even higher for girls;
Among all the children who experienced grooming online, 1 in 4 were under 12 years old.
This shows how important it is to have online safety conversations from a young age.
The advice below is a guide only, to help you match your conversation to your child’s needs. Use what you think will work best for your child – no matter when you start, they will benefit. You may also need to adapt the conversation for children with disability, who are neurodivergent, or who are exploring their gender and/or sexuality, to suit their diverse needs and experiences.
What to expect and how to talk about it from age 5
Digital development: From this age children use digital technology for learning at school and at home, as well as entertainment. They may be interested in connecting with others online, especially if they see their parents or carers doing things like joining video calls with family, friends or colleagues. Some children may start to use photos and videos to document their lives. They are likely to want to make more decisions for themselves about what they do online.
Sexual development: Most children are becoming curious about sex and relationships. They may have an increased desire for body privacy. Most will also start to understand how consent applies online, and the importance of respecting the right of others to say ‘no.’
Online supervision: It’s a good time to start talking about safe and unsafe behaviours, as well as trusted sources of information and safe online spaces (for example, ABC Kids). You can help them feel they have a say in what they can see and do online. Listen to their thoughts on family rules, such as how much screen time is allowed. You can also use parental controls to help prevent children seeing content that may be confusing or upsetting.
Make sure children know they have the right to safely participate online:
Say: ‘It’s important to me that you feel safe when you’re playing online’ and ask ‘What things do you feel most confident doing by yourself online?’ ‘What things do you still need help with?’ and ‘What things online feel safe?’
Remind them about parts of the body that are private:
This includes the vulva and vagina, penis and other parts of the body that may be sexualised, such as buttocks, breasts and the mouth.
Say, ‘No one should ask to see your private body parts in pictures or online, not even friends, siblings or adults.’
Discuss what makes unsafe secrets:
No one should ever ask a child to keep a secret, unless they are a trusted person and it is only for a short time, such as a surprise party. No one should ever ask a child to keep their relationship with them a secret. If they do, the child should tell a trusted adult immediately.
Say: ‘Safe people will never ask you to keep your friendship with them a secret. They also won’t ask for secret pictures, or to go to hidden places. Good secrets are only for a short time and should make someone happy, like a surprise party.’
Help them to understand what questions or requests are unsafe:
Adults should never ask children sexual questions, such as whether they have been kissed, or about private parts of their body. They should also never ask for nude or sexualised photos, videos or live streams of a child.
Say: ‘There are certain things adults might like to do together, like kissing or sharing private photos. Adults should never ask children about these things, and if they do, you should tell me straight away.’
For many other useful prompts, please see the eSafety commissioner website. This includes what to expect and talk about from age 8 and many other fantastic resources for parents.