Student Engagement & Wellbeing News
Frustrations is a normal emotion
Parenting comes with frustrating moments. When you’re not in the heat of the moment, devising a plan for the next… ‘moment’ can help you avoid losing your temper or saying something you don’t mean (#myweekend). Of course, this is easier said than done.
If you feel yourself getting worked up, pause and take a moment to recognise it. A break can keep you from acting on your frustrations. You may need to walk away, take deep breaths, or say something to yourself to help you feel more grounded. You can even tell your child you need a moment to calm down before you discuss the issue.
Be clear about rules and consequences
Take time to set up some clear expectations and rules with your child. Explain what will happen if those rules are broken and make sure you follow these. I recently fell into a pattern with my own children where it was less energy to ‘do it myself’ than to ask them to do things again and again and again. But… that doesn’t help us or them. Kids learn quickly when you give an ‘empty threat’ so think about things when you have a level head and discuss rules and consequences. When you find yourself in the heat of the moment next, you can calmly remind them of their consequences and over time, your kids will learn the boundaries.
This doesn’t mean your child won’t be upset with you, but it can help prevent you from getting too angry.
Set a good example
In tense moments, you still need to try your best to model the ideal behaviour so your kids will learn from you. If you need time to calm down, you can say something to them like, “I’m upset right now, so I’m going to take a break to cool down.” Kids tend to copy our behavior so think about your actions coming back towards you from your little person. AND… remember to go easy on yourself. No one is perfect. We all lose our cool. It’s exhausting being a parent sometimes but most adults know how to self-soothe and strategies to calm themselves down. We need to be talking through our actions to our kids, and supporting them through their tough times so that they can learn their own strategies too.
Take time for yourself after
Reminder - you are only human. If you are feeling upset, tell your child you need to walk away from them for a few minutes to calm down. Maybe you need to watch a calming video. Maybe you need to listen to music, or do some exercise. I like funny animal videos or self-care activities.
Just because you’re a parent doesn’t mean you need to forget your own feelings. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t properly take care of them. Try different ways to cool off when things get tough. Then, you can see the situation more clearly and set a good example for your child.
I speak to my own children often about emotions. Dr. Dan Seigel coined the phrase “name it to tame it” which refers to emotions. I have attached a pdf to explain this more, but when children know about emotions, they can learn to separate their identity from emotions that may feel unpleasant. Name-it-to-tame-it-with-visuals.pdf
Repair
After any relationship has a conflict, it is important afterwards to repair it. Healthy relationships go through conflict. This is normal, and can make bonds stronger if managed well and repaired. It teaches kids resilience and the ability to navigate relationships healthily. Children who experience consistent repair learn that mistakes don’t equate to rejection and that they can trust their parents to support them through difficult moments. Read more about repair hereHow to Repair After Parent-Child Conflicts: Steps That Build Connection.
Anna Gbikpi-Benissan
Assistant Principal