Student Wellbeing

How self-compassion can help in these tough times  

Let’s be honest, covid times are hard with a capital H. Enduring lockdown after lockdown - whether you are a student, teacher or parent - it’s not a walk in the park for anyone. Part of the issue is feeling so out of control and not having the means to change it.   So what can we do? Well, let’s start with something that is within our control - the way we treat ourselves. We have a choice here, we can be hard on ourselves for not achieving what we need to achieve, or cut ourselves some slack, knowing that it’s unrealistic to expect 100% productivity.  

 What is self-compassion? 

Self-compassion is much like compassion for others, aimed towards the self. It involves recognising our own suffering - much like you would with someone else, say a homeless person - and holding ourselves in kindness. Instead of ignoring our pain, or treating it with judgement, we may stop to tell ourselves “this is really hard right now, how may I comfort myself in this moment, and how may I adjust my expectations of myself?” 

Where do I start? 

You may notice that it’s harder to have compassion towards ourselves than towards others! That’s a really human trait!  You can start with some of these simple exercises: 

1. Compassionate self talk  

Many things may not be going your way at the moment. When we struggle with this reality, trying to change it, our suffering increases. When you notice that something hasn’t met your expectations or you haven’t met your own expectations, try and use these self-soothing words: 

“This is really hard right now, I would prefer that [X] happens, but if it doesn’t it’s OK”.   

“This is really hard right now, but many people are feeling the way I do, I am not alone”.   “This is really hard right now, and I deserve to give myself a break”  

 2. Compassionate hand exercise  

Take one of your hands and place it on the part of the body that feels anxious, or sad (If nothing comes to mind, try with the heart). Imagine that this is a healing hand, the hand of a loving friend or parent or nurse, and feel the warmth flowing from your hand into your body. You’re not trying to get rid of the hard feeling but to make room for it, to soften up and loosen up around it. (Pause 10 seconds.) Hold it gently, as if it’s a crying baby or a frightened puppy. (Pause 10 seconds.) And letting your hand fall, once again breathe into the feeling and imagine space around it. (Pause 10 seconds.)  

 What it comes down to  

The question is, which body and mind would you rather living in? One that is kind and compassionate, or the type that is rigid and demanding? The choice is ours. It may not be an easy choice to follow through with, but with practice, we can learn to keep choosing the option that allows us the permission to relax and be less than perfect!