A Friendship Fire might be something small, like a friend not choosing you as a partner, disagreeing about the rules of a game, or a friend talking over you. Sometimes Friendship Fires can be bigger and may need support from an adult to resolve. One of the important skills we are teaching students is to put Friendship Fires into perspective. When children are upset, a problem can sometimes feel much bigger than it really is.

URSTRONG encourages students to pause and ask themselves, “how big is this Friendship Fire really?”

Students learn that Friendship Fires can range in size, from a tiny spark or puff of smoke, through to a campfire, bonfire or raging bushfire. Identifying the size of the problem helps children consider whether their reaction matches the situation and what they might need to do next. The goal isn’t to avoid Friendship Fires altogether. Disagreements are a normal part of friendships! Instead, we want our students to develop the skills and confidence to stay calm, communicate how they are feeling, listen to another person’s perspective and problem-solve.

We encourage you to try the URSTRONG language at home. If your child tells you about a friendship problem, you might use some of these prompts together:

“How big is the Friendship Fire?” Is it a spark, campfire, bonfire or bushfire?
“What actually happened?” Try separating what we know happened from what we think someone might have meant.
“What might it look like from your friend’s perspective?”
“How did that make you feel?”
“What could a Friendship Ninja do next?”
“Is this a Friendship Fire you could try to put out yourself, or do you need an adult to help?”
“What could you say to your friend to help put the fire out?”

You might also share your own examples with your child: “What would be a tiny Friendship Fire for me? What would be a really big one?” Talking about friendship challenges when children are calm can help them build the skills they need when a real Friendship Fire arises. By using the same language at home and at school, we can help our students develop perspective, resilience and confidence in navigating the inevitable ups and downs of friendships.

If you're interested in learning more about this, you may enjoy listening to Meg Durham's conversation with URSTRONG founder and friendship expert Dana Kerford. The podcast explores why friendship skills are so important for children, why “being friends with everyone” isn't always helpful advice, and how we can support children to put out Friendship Fires.

Ep 57: Friendship Fires – Open Mind Education

Maddie Muir

Year 3 Teacher

Wellbeing and Engagement Leader

Diary Dates