Engagement & Wellbeing Page

Managing after-school meltdowns: when the big feelings arrive home

Does your child seem to manage the school day, then fall apart at home? You’re not alone. School days can be extremely tiring for children becuase there are constant demands and expectations on them.  Children may arrive home hungry, overwhelmed and with little energy left to manage frustration. Something small can feel like the last straw.

A gentler afternoon can help:

• Start with the basics. Offer a snack, water and a chance to unwind before homework or other demands.
• Make room for downtime. Some children enjoy quiet play or a cuddle; others prefer outdoor movement or a little space.
• Keep the welcome simple. “Lovely to see you!” may be all they need at first. Questions about the day can wait.

If the big feelings spill over:

Try to keep your voice calm and your words brief. You might say, “It looks like things feel really hard right now. I’m here.” Offer comfort if your child wants it, or give them space while remaining available.

You can acknowledge feelings while keeping everyone safe: “It’s okay to feel angry. But I won’t let you hit.” Save explanations and problem-solving for when your child is calmer. Children often need our help to settle before they can talk through what happened.

If afternoons are regularly very distressing, please speak with your child’s teacher or our wellbeing team. We can explore what might be contributing and work together on support.

Read or listen:

• Raising Children Network: Helping children calm down
• Dr Billy Garvey answers parenting questions on ABC’s All in the Mind — a free conversation about children’s emotions, behaviour and anxiety.

“How was school?” -  “Good.”

Getting the real conversation started

Keen to hear about your child’s day but getting very little back? Summing up a whole school day can be a big task, especially when children are tired or hungry. A short answer doesn’t necessarily mean something is wrong.

Try a different time. Give your child a chance to settle first. Conversation might come more easily while walking the dog, drawing together or preparing dinner.

Ask ONE small question. Instead of asking about the whole day, try:

• “What made you laugh today?”
• “What did you do at lunchtime?”
• “What was something interesting you learnt?”
• “Was there a tricky moment you’d like to tell me about?”

Choose ONE or TWO, rather than working through a list!

Listen before offering solutions. 

Leave room for their answer and show interest: “Tell me more about that.” If something upsetting comes up, acknowledge it before jumping into advice.

Keep the invitation open.  

While connecting and sharing about the day is an important part of supporting your child, it doesn't have to happen every day. Some days your child won’t feel like talking. You could say, “You don’t have to tell me now. I’m here when you’re ready.” 

Beware of the nightly bedtime downloads.

Beware of allowing the bedtimes to become a nightly download session where you listen to your child's long list of challenges and struggles.  Often this is a time that children want to talk more about their negative experiences and emotions because having you listen and stay in their bedroom a little bit longer is a major win for them; delaying bedtime.

  A balance between listening/ supporting and moving forward is key.  Questions like, "So how do you think you might like to solve that?" and "What could you do next time if that happened?" as well stating that you can always talk about it tomorrow if it is still concerning them.  Sometimes moving forward is a skill set.

Read more: Raising Children Network: Talking about school with children

We respectfully acknowledge the Traditional Owners of the country throughout Victoria and pay respect to the ongoing living cultures of First Peoples.