Chaplain's Spot

‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying’

Death is not an easy topic to consider. We have all had experiences of death, of family or close friends, of those who are old, or those who are [too] young. Grief is a challenging aspect in life, and it is different for everyone. We don’t know when we will die, but we all want to finish strong, with no regrets. 

Bronnie Ware is a palliative care nurse, and she wrote a book called, ‘The Top Five Regrets of the Dying’. She discovered them as she sat with the dying. She intentionally questioned them: “Would you do anything differently if you could do it again?” Common themes surfaced. Here are the top five: 

1] "I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me."

This is the most common regret. People realize at the end that many of their dreams went unfulfilled due to the choices they did or did not make. 

[Personally, I have felt more fulfilled in my role as Chaplain than in any other role in my life. As a Christian I care about others, and I want to help others grow in their life. I want to live true to myself, and not be driven by others expectations.] 

2] "I wish I hadn't worked so hard."

Frequently shared by male patients, who missed out on their children's youth and companionship with partners. 

[When I was young, my Dad was very busy, and as a family I think we missed out on a quality connection with him. When I became a father, I was determined that I would make sure I spent quality time with our kids.]

3] "I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings."

Many people suppressed their feelings to keep peace with others, settling for a lesser existence and never becoming who they were truly capable of being.

[I remember that my Dad and his generation in our family were not very good at expressing feelings, or dealing with those of us who did express them. When I met Bonnie, who would be my wife, I had to learn how to express and deal with my feelings well.] 

4] "I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends."

Deeply missed friendships are often only recognized when it is too late, and people get caught up in their own lives and let golden connections slip away.

[As I grew up, our family moved every 4-6 years, so I didn’t develop long-term friendships. Once I left home and moved to Melbourne, I made new friendships in the local church youth group, and we have experienced many wonderful times together over the years.]

5] "I wish that I had let myself be happier."

Many do not realize until the end that happiness is a choice; they stayed stuck in old patterns, habits, and the comfort of familiarity.

[Opening ourselves to new experiences, new people, can be daunting. However, as we do, we often find ourselves really enjoying stepping away from our old, sometimes restricted view of life, and paving the way for a brighter, happier future.]

Bronnie Ware has much wisdom to share. Check out her book, available online from numerous sources. 

Has this topic raised any issues for you? Do you need to meet and process what is going on for you in regard to death and regrets? I am available to meet with anyone in the school community, regardless of the situation that causes you stress. Feel free to contact me. 

Toast Tuesday: Our free breakfast program runs weekly on Tuesdays at 8.30am, and is open to all students. We also have emergency food items available if you would like some extra support at any time. 

If you would like to help on our team, please see the following link: volunteersignup.org/PRLAX. We have a couple of gaps in November, or feel free to pop in and see how it all works.

There are two main businesses who support our breakfast program – please support them if that suits your preferences and your budget. 

We are thankful to Woolies Eastland, who supports us with gift cards for our spreads.

We are also thankful to Bakers Delight Heathmont, for their provision of loaves for Toast Tuesday, plus other bakery items for our families. If you would appreciate some regular bakery items, such as loaves, rolls, pizza bases etc. please email me, or see me at school. 

Second-hand uniforms: Come and check out our second-hand uniform items at Toast Tuesday, or at our fortnightly assemblies. We have several school BAGS in good condition, plus several HATS. Come and check them out - to be prepared for the warmer weather. 

Just a reminder: Please name your child’s uniform items, so if they are mislaid, they might find their way back. Unnamed items usually make their way to the second-hand stock. 

Contact: Feel free to contact me if anything is of concern for you or your family, whether emotional, social, spiritual or practical. I am happy to meet on any Tuesday or Friday, if you would like to chat about any life challenges. 

Regarding students, I can meet with them once, and for further contact we ask parents to sign a Consent Form. If you would like a form, I can send one home, give you one on Tuesday mornings, or email one to you. 

Alan Silverwood: Chaplain - Pastoral care for our community. [Tuesday & Friday] 

[alan.silverwood@education.vic.gov.au]

Supporting the School community in emotional, social, spiritual and practical wellbeing. 

Our Chaplaincy program is funded by the Federal Government’s ‘National Student Wellbeing Program’, the GRPS School Council and donations.