From The Counselling Suite

Managing Anger

Anger is often seen as something negative and sometimes managing anger is problematic; however, anger is just one of a range of normal human emotions that most of us experience daily. We all get angry from time to time, and there are some issues which we should be justifiably angry about, but it is when anger is expressed in inappropriate behaviours that problems can result and relationships damaged, sometimes irreparably. In some, angry feelings result in behaviours such as yelling, throwing things, ignoring, storming out and at times withdrawing. None of these behaviours are very pleasant if you are on the receiving end.

Anger ranges in degree from feeling a mild annoyance with something or someone to intense rage. Generally, the anger feeling is accompanied by biological changes in our body – our heart rate and blood pressure rise, stress hormones are released and often we start to shake, go red in the face and feel out of control. Some of us are slow to feel anger, while others, can go from being perfectly calm to being out of control in a matter of a second or two.  

Managing anger is challenging for some children (and some adults). We try to teach our young people to notice the physical signs that signal that their anger is becoming dangerously out of control, but unfortunately their immature brains are unable to register these signs and the smallest thing can set them off; their ‘fight or flight’ response is well developed, but the part of their brain which assesses the risks involved lags. Managing anger appropriately in most instances improves with maturity.

Knowing why we are angry is not always easy, especially for younger children – we see the anger, but neither they nor we know the reason behind it, and this can be very exasperating for both parent and child alike. However, anger is usually a response to some other negative emotion, possibly frustration, disappointment, embarrassment or fear; sometimes the reason behind the anger is a misunderstanding or poor communication. If we can work out the reason why the anger is there, difficult though it may be, it is easier to prevent the negative behaviours that can result. To prevent inappropriate behaviours, it is important to manage anger in a positive way; this may be by talking - sharing feelings or ‘getting it off your chest’ helps to diffuse anger and manage it in a more productive way. Parents who actively listen to their child will find that they can be a great help to their child in managing anger. Dealing with the underlying issue often eliminates the anger, but often this is difficult because the child doesn’t know why they are angry – again talking and listening is the best thing as parent can do.   

To prevent anger becoming a problem we need to understand why we are angry and to learn positive ways of expressing it.

If your child is experiencing difficulties managing anger and you would like some support for this, please contact the Counselling Team at counsellingteam@bps.sa.edu.au    

Ms Cathie Oswald

Counsellor

Dr Lucinda Clifford

School Psychologist