School of Thought 

On Tuesday 8th June, Bill Hansberry presented two  workshops in response to requests by the Education Committee.  The first session was Rules haven't gone out of style: Building rules that stick!  Bill’s engaging style captivated the group with his opening question of  “How many of us have made up a ‘new rule’ for the kids in high stress moments?”  We all agreed that most of do.  So why do we do it? It’s a result of our frustration and a misguided bid to take back control in that moment.  Does the new rule then ‘stand the test of time?’  No, because it is usually too strict to police, has no support from anyone and the kids actually enjoy getting around it because they feel thwarted!  The hastily made ‘new rule’ rarely gives rise to any constructive changes.  Bill highlighted that in high stress moments kids can only handle hearing single words, which = parent deaf mode!

In Bill’s Recipe Rescue he moved beyond the limited idea of making up ‘new rules’ on the run to becoming strategic, educational and promoting four key foundation ideas necessary for every family. 

1. A family mission statement

2 . Family meetings

3 . Family rules/values 

4. A family motto 

There is a process that makes rules stick. By focussing on family values, creating a family mission statement and coming up with a family motto, we come to family rules that are based on our values.  These family rules are co-constructed with the parents and children in a family style and are revisited and consolidated.  

The spirit of family meetings are to review what has been happening, to celebrate what is working well (remember - catching positive behaviours best influence the behaviours you want), to discuss changes, make compromises and set new directions.  It is often not making the ‘rule’ that sticks but the act of engaging your kids in the participation.

In his second session ‘My child is being picked on! Sensibly navigating school social problems with your child! Bill  talked about navigating life’s ups and downs and the inevitable social problems children face.  His advice for parents was to observe and nudge your child to be resilient and not always jump in.  If children are constantly rescued from their social situations or allowed to let his/her moods ‘control the weather’, we are not allowing problem solving circuits to develop within the brain. Avoid a negative script creating emotional twisters and nervy, anxious children.  Asking ‘what happened today?’ can lead to negative reporting  and a bad mental habit.  Asking what went well?  What did you enjoy? What are you looking forward to? These are better questions to ask about school. 

If you have any questions or suggestions for future sessions with Bill Hansberry  please contact:rosemary.mcleansaxon475@schools.sa.edu

Happy attendee feedback :

"I thought the workshop with Bill Hansberry was both extremely beneficial and entertaining. Last Tuesday, was cold and to be fair, the last thing I wanted to do was go sit in the staff room and school and listen to some bloke go on about parenting (haha). 

But I’m so glad I made the effort, and went to listen to Bill talk. He covered 2 pretty important topics in the seminar. ‘Rules haven’t gone out of style ; Building Rules that stick’ and ‘My child is being picked on! Sensibly navigating school social problems with your child! 

Hearing Bill made me realise and learn quite a bit about myself and the way I parent. The way I deal and react to issues. This applies to both sections of what he talked about. Rules and bullying. 

I purchased his book called Raising Beaut Kids. 

It’s really good and has some amazing advice ‘recipes’ for how to deal with nearly every situation with our children. 

I know the school has copies that would be available from the parents library, I’d also be happy to lend out my copy, if anyone would like to read it.  If Bill comes to visit our school again, I’d recommend you all go hear what he has to say! I'm so glad I did. "

Addie Milne 

Governing Council Member