Understanding Emotions 

 

The Alannah and Madeline Foundation has produced a series of resources to help guide parents as their children journey through adolescence and we will share these valuable insights with you over the next few editions of our College Newsletters. So grab a cuppa and have a quick read with a lasting impact, with thanks to this amazing organisation whose aim is to make sure our children are safe and happy.

Understanding emotions - children and teenagers

from the Raising Children Network

Understanding and managing emotions is important for development and wellbeing during childhood and adolescence.

Children and teenagers who can understand and manage their emotions are more likely to:

• express emotions by speaking calmly or in appropriate ways
• bounce back after feeling strong emotions like disappointment, frustration or excitement
• control impulses
• behave appropriately – that is, in ways that don’t hurt other people, things or themselves.

And this is good for children because it helps them learn, make friends, become independent and more.

Your child’s ability to understand and manage emotions develops over time. When your child is young, they’ll need help with understanding emotions. This mostly involves recognising and naming emotions, which lays the groundwork for managing emotions as your child gets older.

As your child grows, they’ll learn more strategies to manage their emotions without your help.

Understanding and managing emotions is also called emotional regulation. It’s an important part of your child’s self-regulation.

Pre-teens and teenagers: strengthening emotional skills

Pre-teens and teenagers often feel strong and sometimes overwhelming emotions like shame and humiliation. They might know the words for these emotions but still have trouble recognising them when they’re upset. Also, because of teenage brain development, teenagers don’t always have the skills to express and manage emotions in an adult way.

That’s why pre-teens and teenagers still need help with understanding and managing emotions. With practice, your child will be able to manage their emotions without you.

Here are ideas to strengthen your child’s ability to understand and manage emotions in the teenage years:

• Step in when you can see emotions building up. The sooner your child can spot their emotional changes, the easier it will be for them to stay in control of their behaviour.
• Help your child notice early physical signs of strong emotions. For example, ‘When I was stuck in traffic yesterday, my heart was racing and I felt really hot. Does that happen to you when you’re frustrated?’
• Help your child notice early behaviour signs of strong emotions. For example, ‘You’re starting to hit that keyboard a bit hard. Do you need to stop for a minute and get some fresh air?’
• Talk with your child about what you do when you notice the signs that strong emotions are building up. For example, ‘When I start to feel really angry with myself, I focus on something I’m really proud of instead. Would that work for you?’
• Work with your child on a list of things they could do when they notice strong emotions building up, like going for a run, listening to loud music on their headphones, or meditating. Try to include plenty of options so your child can choose ones that feel right in different situations.

Remember that talking with teenagers about emotions won’t be as effective when they’re struggling with the strong emotion. You need to step in early or wait until the emotion has passed.

To help your child to calm down and self regulate, visit Raising Children's 5 steps to Calming Down for Teenagers and for more information please visit Understanding emotions: children & teens | Raising Children Network.