Deputy Principal - Student Wellbeing 

These are frightening times for everyone, including our children.

While kids may be less likely to experience severe symptoms, they are still frightened, unsettled, and have had their usual lives upended along with the rest of us. As my teenager said the other day “It’s supposed to be fun and it’s NOT!”.

Right now it’s easy for us to be caught up on the immediate health effects and the short to medium term impacts on our kids’ education. These concerns are valid and it's okay to feel challenged, unsettled, and even overwhelmed. It’s going to take us all some time to adjust and respond in the best ways we can. 

The Nest is an evidence-based wellbeing framework for children and youth covering all areas of wellbeing for ages 0-24 years. It presents evidence proving that, for an Australian child to truly have high wellbeing, they must be doing well in six key, interlocking dimensions:

Being Loved and Safe

Healthy

Learning

Having Material Basics

Participating and,

Having a Positive Sense of Identity and Culture.

The research tells us that our kids need to be doing well in each area to truly thrive. So, while the healthy, learning, and material basics domains may be front of mind right now, there are other things we need to be thinking about as we seek to ensure we’re able to holistically look at and support our kids’ wellbeing. 

What is clear is that, even in the current circumstances, we can find ways to give them what they need. Asking your children questions that cover all areas of wellbeing is a simple way to ensure a more holistic approach to providing for your kids. See example questions in the sections below.

Loved and Safe

More than anything else right now, children need to know that things are going to be OK. This doesn’t mean false reassurances that nothing will happen, but comfort and assurance that whatever does happen, you will all get through it together.

Reassure children that their adults are looking out for them, and that doctors, scientists, teachers, and our government are all doing everything they can to fix things.

Focus on connection with your children – don’t nag them too much on schoolwork or chores, but instead do your best to make time for hugs, cuddles, gentle games, and family rituals. Lower your expectations, both of them and yourself. Be guided by what works for your family in terms of keeping routines, or making new ones, and be prepared to change course if something isn’t working.

Talk about keeping ourselves, our family, and our community safe. Make sure that as a family you discuss spatial distancing, good hand hygiene, and what isolation means for you. Be prepared for some tears and anger as children realise that play dates, sleepovers, holidays away, and even spending time with grandparents are off the agenda for now. Remind them that this is necessary to keep everybody safe, and it won’t be forever.

Asking them questions such as ‘What’s the best thing about being you?’ And ‘What are all the different ways you could keep in contact with your friends?’ can help them feel loved and safe.

Positive Sense of Identity and Culture

This loss of social connection and the defining routines of school, ECEC, and extra-curricular activities will affect children’s understanding of who they are and how they take part in the world. They will need to grieve the loss of their football or netball team, their regular play dates, or the excursions and cultural activities that have been cancelled. Older children will be anxious about exams and moving out post-school into a world affected by the economic ramifications of coronavirus.

All we can do as adults right now is reassure them that everyone is in the same boat. Government education departments are very aware of the impact the coronavirus will have on exams – NAPLAN has already been cancelled this year.

If your child identified strongly with an activity or role, they may be feeling that loss deeply. Who are they if they are no longer the sports captain, or the drama lead, or the one in their friendship group who everyone asks for advice? Try and talk through ways they can retain the core attributes of that role from home, whether that is researching a home training schedule they could share with the team, taking a deep dive over the phone with elders or teachers to understand the history of a tradition or ritual, or setting up regular phone calls or Skype sessions with their friends, perhaps looking into scriptwriting if they can’t act in the production.

Asking children questions like ‘How could our family celebrate special events without leaving the house?’ could assist.

Participation

Participation is largely to do with having a voice in decision making. Clearly, we, as adults are having important decisions made for us in this time so being super aware of any opportunity for our children to make decisions is crucial.

Participation as a wellbeing area also encompasses being part of societal groups so ensuring our kids continue to have some type of participation in groups of their choosing – via any appropriate medium is important.

Opportunities for making decisions can be as simple as asking ‘binary choice’ questions, for example, for older children ‘What are some things you love to eat that you could make that you haven’t made before?’ How are we going to do that?’

Although many opportunities to participate will be online in the current situation, asking ‘What’s your favourite thing to do that doesn’t involve a screen?’ could provide other options that are child-led and screen free.

Healthy

The biggest health concern for families right now is of course COVID-19. This involves both physical as well as mental health. Staying home, washing hands, and sneezing into tissues or elbows remain the best things you can do to protect your family’s physical health.

Even when staying home from school or work, we can still go outside for fresh air. If you have access to a garden or courtyard, make good use of it with outdoor games. You can even challenge the kids to start a garden from kitchen scraps like celery, carrot and onion ends. An old ice cream container with some rocks in the bottom for drainage is enough to get started.

Mental health is being impacted by the anxiety of the pandemic, the added stress parents are experiencing and so forth. Checking in regularly with your children about how they’re feeling will help.

Asking questions like ‘What could you do if you feel worried, anxious or stressed? How do you know if you’re feeling this way?’ And contacting a mental health specialist if you or child are experiencing mental distress.

There are a large number of resources online to help families with keeping kids occupied and physically and emotionally healthy while at home. Be cautious and check a new resource out thoroughly before agreeing to let your child use it – the usual screen restrictions will almost certainly need to be renegotiated, but the same advice applies to staying safe online.

Material Basics

What happens, though, if you don’t have the resources to support your child at home? Education specialists are already warning of a digital divide deepening between children who are fortunate enough to have devices they can use freely and a good broadband connection. It’s a different matter when there is only one laptop and parents need to work from home as well.

Schools and teachers understand these challenges and are working hard to come up with solutions that can work for everyone. 

Parents who are facing job losses, business closures, or other financial uncertainty will have additional pressures on their emotional strength. Your usual support networks may be less available as well. Try your best to make time for things that help you feel calm and centred, and reach out for support as you can.

Services such as Lifeline (13 11 14) may help, and some services can also help you navigate the packages of support that the government is putting in place.  Most of all, remember you are not alone. 

It’s all right to say to children that things are uncertain and scary right now, and you don’t have all the answers yet. Sometimes it’s better to say it out loud than try to hide your worries – children will be able to see your concern. However, make sure to reassure them that you are working through it and together you will find a way.

Remind them that it is the grown-ups’ job to look after them and you take that responsibility very seriously.

Questions you could ask your child which relate to material basics include ‘If you could change one thing about your house what would it be? Why?’ ‘What are the special jobs that you do at home? How could you expand on them? What new one could you start and what could be the benefit of completing that job?’

Learning

Many people now have had their children at home, and we are facing the prospect of further time in remote learning in the future.

If this occurs, don’t put too much pressure on yourself or your children. You have always been your child’s first teacher, and even if they are not completing worksheets or turning out projects, they will be learning. Play is a child’s job, even big children!

If you have access to the internet, there are endless resources available for all levels of learning. If not, again, speak with your child’s school. They may be able to assist with paper-based resources and loan of books and other materials.

Questions regarding learning you can ask your children include ‘What are you most proud of learning? What do you wish you could learn about?’ And doing what you can to follow their interests to make learning meaningful will help.

Despite the chaos, uncertainty  and everyday inconvenience, it is possible to see these coming weeks and months as a unique opportunity for your child to develop.

Most families are going to struggle through this crisis to a greater or lesser extent. Most will find new ways of coping, even thriving.

Working with our children through this process, giving them some responsibilities for the day to day operation of the household and their education, listening to their proposed solutions to problems, talking through those solutions, developing them with your child, and implementing them, provide powerful opportunities for the younger members of our families to develop resilience and coping strategies which they can not only take pride in during this crisis, but can empower them to better handle adversity throughout their lives.