COLLEGE COUNSELLOR 

Term Four - Family Relationships

We’re back and it is Week 2 already... with Term 4 being only eight and a half weeks, the Christmas holidays are almost upon us! As we come to the end of this crazy year and move toward Christmas I wanted to do a few short articles on relating well in families with teenagers and making the most of our short and busy lives.  

Teenagers and parents

It is a common misconception that families become less important to children as they become teenagers. Family relationships do change during this time but adolescents need their family and the support it offers just as much as they did when they were younger.

While young, children need nurture and guidance but in adolescence, families are a source of care and emotional support.  

Families can also help teenagers in practical, financial and material ways and most teenagers do still want to spend time with their families, sharing ideas and having fun.

It is common for young people and their families have some ups and downs during these years, but take heart; these relationships usually improve by late adolescence as children become more mature.  

It is also fairly normal for teenagers to be moody or seem uncommunicative, but they still need you. Your child still wants you to be involved in their life, even though at times their attitude, behaviour or body language might seem to say that they don’t.

Why your child needs you

Maintaining a positive relationship with your children through adolescence can be a tricky business. The rapid physical and emotional changes come along with social pressure, relationships and the push to do well at school. Unsurprisingly, young people aren’t always sure where they fit and are still trying to work out who they are and find their place in the world. A supportive family can be key to getting through these challenges.

Concentrate on making your family a secure emotional base where your child feels unconditionally loved and accepted no matter what is going on in the rest of their lives.  

Try to make the overwhelming majority of your interactions with your child positive ones.  

Boundaries, rules and standards of behaviour are still essential and will give your child a sense of consistency and predictability.

Close and supportive family relationships with teenagers help to reduce risk taking behaviours like alcohol and drug use and problems such as depression and anxiety. Such relationships can also increase your child’s feelings of connectedness to school, and their desire to do well academically. Ultimately these strong family relationships can go a long way towards helping your teenagers grow into well adjusted, compassionate and caring adults.

In my next article I will explore some practical tips around parenting teenagers and building these relationships.

Michael Lance | College Counsellor