Deputy Principal, Wellbeing
Wellbeing
Parents: seven reminders that will get you through
Following on from my previous newsletter article, I wanted to share some sound advice from Michelle Mitchell around parenting adolescents.
Reminder statement, “I need to be clear.”
Underneath the cool facade is a good heart that needs some guidance. Teenagers need us (as their trusted adults) to point the way CLEARLY (ever so clearly!). They live in a world with so many mixed messages – there is so much grey! Teens don’t know as much as we think they know (about anything). They might look like they have it all together, but they need us to step them through life. They need us to teach them. Don’t ASSUME they know how – they often don’t. Break it down – one request, one action at a time. Decide which decisions are theirs to make and which are yours. Age-appropriate responsibility is crucial.
Reminder statement, “I will speak to their best self – always.”
Their best self is still in there – promise. Most kids want to do the right thing, they just get a little lost. They may say a lot of shocking, unnerving things, but inside is a person who wants to do better. If we speak from that assumption, we call on their best self and build on their potential. Teenagers can easily lose their way if we don’t keep truth up to them. One big truth is that they are awesome human beings who are still learning and growing.
Reminder statement, “I can’t teach them everything.”
There are many things we can’t teach our kids. Real life has to step in. Sometimes we choose not to stand in the way of our tweens or teens choices, because we believe they can handle the life lesson on the other side. For example, you might say to your child – If you choose not to do your homework you will have to face a detention. I won’t write a note or bail you out. For example, you might say to your child – If you choose not to wash those clothes then you won’t have any clean ones for tomorrow. I’m not staying up late tonight and doing them for you.
There are other times when we choose to protect our kids from the full weight of consequences. These are usually times when we tried to stand in the way of the decision that lead to those consequences! We know that their shoulders aren’t strong enough to carry them. A good rule of thumb when making decisions – If you don’t choose to stand in the way of their decisions, don’t choose to stand in the way of the consequences. We can’t determine how life will interact with our kids. We can’t possibly manufacture the lessons life will teach them.
Kate Couchman
Student Counsellor