Principal's Message

Developing Resilience in Our Young Men

 

At this time of year when NAPLAN results are released, another round of OLNA testing approaches and WACE examinations loom large, debate often emerges on the merit of such standardised testing. In particular, the perceived competition associated with student rankings is contrasted with the effect that such measures may have on the self-esteem and wellbeing of our students. Many psychologists and educational leaders present varied and often conflicting ‘expert opinions’ about the importance of giving praise to students, with the life lessons that can be gained from occasionally failing or experiencing disappointment. Within our context at Trinity College, establishing safe conditions and learning environments for our boys to experience opportunities to build resilience is an important aspect of their development as good young men. 

 

It is important for every person to have a positive mindset and search for the good in situations, and indeed, in other people. A focus on the positive rather than the negative is an admirable one. However, it is also important to be a realist. In life difficult situations will present and, at times, negative outcomes will occur. Encountering failure is likely to happen at some point in every person’s life journey. It is the ability of our boys to bounce back from such situations (demonstrate resilience) that will determine their development as young men and greatly add to their character. 

 

It is important that children constantly receive praise and affirmations for their efforts. Such recognition must be genuine and appropriate, and the awarding of the College Pinder Boor Certificates of Excellence is an example of this. However, it is equally important that we do not set up systems that artificially praise, or systems in which competition is totally removed, or systems in which hardship and/or failure never occurs. It is impossible to always get what we want, or what we apply for, or to win every time. This is not how life works! 

 

While affirming every child’s self-worth is an important role for parents and schools, we must equally encourage situations where young people, in fact all people, develop a real and genuine sense of resilience. Experiencing both failure and success helps develop such resilience. Making mistakes or experiencing failure is an important mechanism for our overall development. History is dotted with many examples of discoveries and triumphs that have succeeded after many failed efforts.  Developing determination, perseverance and staying committed to the task are all important aspects of building resilience. It is important that we allow some space and create opportunities for this to occur. I can still recall the echo of my own Father’s voice saying, ‘if at first you don’t succeed try, try again’.

 

Resilience in children can be enhanced by the approach adopted by the significant adults in their lives. I refer to their parents, families, teachers and coaches. Parenting has always required an exceptionally strong set of skills such as caring, nurturing, encouraging and negotiating. Parenting is also about leading, teaching and modelling behaviours and attitudes. When moments of hardship or failure do occur (and life experience would suggest that they probably will), we need to view such situations as ‘teachable moments’ – real opportunities for us to help our children grow and learn from these challenges. Recognising and grasping these teachable moments is how parents, indeed all significant adults, can help children become resilient and bounce back from some of the setbacks they will encounter now and into the future. At Trinity College, an important aspect of our vision is to form good young men for others. Establishing resilience is an ongoing task and a vitally important aspect of such formation. The introduction of The Resilience Project (TRP) this year has certainly added to this pastoral focus.

 

When children are experiencing hardship, frustration and difficulty, our natural instinct as parents (and as teachers) is to step in to remove such struggles and protect them. However, when we focus solely on a quick fix, we may miss valuable opportunities to help children learn and grow. The big learning opportunities are often found within problems. Missing out on team selection, or not being invited to a party, or failing a topic test, or receiving a consequence for consistently being late, are all scenarios that most children are likely to experience at some point in their life. While we never wish these things upon any child, such moments do afford us with a chance to explore lessons about the value of striving for your best, turning difficult situations around and appreciating that hard work and commitment ultimately brings reward.

 

While we can enjoy moments of triumph and rightly give out praise when such moments occur, it is equally important to use those occasional moments of hardship as an opportunity to learn and grow. “It is not the number of times you stumble and fall that matters; rather, it is the number of times you get back up!

 

We hope, and indeed we pray, that developing resilience is an important aspect of every boy’s journey into manhood.

 

Live Jesus in our hearts.