Chaplain's Corner
Hi Everyone!
In my work with students I am often dealing with students who are experiencing difficulty in responding appropriately to their strong emotions following friendships issues, game issues, or frustration with a learning task or when things don’t go their way, OR even overexcitement when something exciting has happened, resulting in not listening to others or concentrating! So we do a little work on ‘self-regulation’.
What is self-regulation? Self-regulation is the ability to understand and manage your behaviour and your reactions to feelings and things happening around you. It includes being able to:
- regulate reactions to emotions like frustration or excitement
- calm down after something exciting or upsetting
- focus on a task
- refocus attention on a new task
- control impulses
- learn behaviour that helps you get along with other people.
Strong self-regulation skills in early childhood are linked with a wide range of health and achievement outcomes across the lifespan, including positive mental and physical health, and educational attainment. Self-regulation continues to develop across adolescence and young adulthood, but early childhood is a particularly crucial period for self-regulation growth.
How and when self-regulation develops
Self-regulation starts when children are babies. For example, babies might suck their fingers for comfort. It develops most in the toddler and preschool years, but it also keeps developing right into adulthood.
Problems with self-regulation From time to time, different things can affect your child’s ability to self-regulate. For example, tiredness, illness and changes to your child’s routine can all affect her ability to regulate her reactions and behaviour. Also, some children have great self-regulation at child care or school but find it hard at home. Other children struggle in busy, noisy places like shopping centres.
Children who typically feel things strongly and intensely find it harder to self-regulate. It isn’t as hard for children who are easier going. Even older children and teenagers struggle with self-regulation.
Helping your child learn self-regulation
The best way to help your child learn to self-regulate is to provide support when he needs it. Here are some ways you can do this:
- Talk about emotions with your child. For example, ‘Did you throw your toy because you were frustrated that it wasn’t working? What else could you have done?’
- When your child struggles with a strong feeling, encourage her to name the feeling and what caused it. Wait until the emotion has passed if that’s easier.
- Help your child find appropriate ways to react to strong emotions. For example, teach your child to take a break, walk away or get adult help when he feels overwhelmed. Say things like ‘Let’s relax’ and ‘I can help you if you like’. Deep breathing and sensory objects, eg stress balls, also help.
- Plan for challenging situations where it might be hard for your child to behave well. For example, ‘The shop we’re going to has lots of things that can break. It’s OK to look, but please don’t touch’. Give your child a gentle reminder as you enter the shop. For example, ‘Remember – just looking, OK?’
- Praise your child when she shows self-regulation and manages a tricky situation. For example, ‘You were great at waiting for your turn’, or ‘I liked the way that you shared with Sam when he asked’.
- Try to model self-regulation for your child. For example, show your child how you can do a frustrating task without getting upset. You could say something like, ‘Wow that was hard. I’m glad I didn’t get angry because I mightn’t have been able to do it’.
Remember to be patient. It can be very hard for young children to cope when they have strong feelings.
To borrow a catch phrase, ‘We’re all in this together’. Let’s give our children the gift of self-regulation as they navigate life with all its challenges.
Robyn Mulholland (School Chaplain)
robyn.mulholland@education.vic.gov.au