Counsellors Corner 

Saying 'NO' to your child?

It is hard to discipline a child. As a parent, you want to see your child happy, not sad or in tears. Pamela Byers published an article that gives “9 tips on saying No to your child”.

Once is Enough

Be firm in delivering your first no so that you don’t have to repeat it. Be careful not to relent and give in or your child will learn that it is possible to manipulate you.

Explain

The most effective way to say no is to give your child valid reasons they can understand.

Yes can Mean No

It is possible to say yes while meaning no. For example, if your child asks for a biscuit you can reply “Yes you can have one after dinner”.

Do Not Shout

It is vital to communicate calmly and kindly. Shouting at your child can outweigh any possible benefit of temporarily silencing them.

Respect Their Privacy

Don’t embarrass your child in front of other people. Go to a private place and clearly discuss your reasons for saying no.

Say No with an Alternative

Giving an alternative can convince your child you care. For example, “No darling, you can’t have that lolly, you can have an apple instead”.

Don’t Give False Hopes

Saying “not now” implies you will in the future. Give a timeline or a reason why not. The implied promise could create trust issues in the future.

Let the Child Choose

Choosing from a few viable options you offer the child empowers them and makes them feel that their opinions matter.

Don’t Contradict Your Partner

Sometimes one parent will say no only to see the child approach the other parent for a yes. You must keep the communication open. It’s easy to ask whether a decision has already been made.

Saying no is difficult. Take time to communicate and plan rather than cave in and risk bigger problems in the future. GNLC School TV has some great content to compliment this article, just click on the links below.

Why parents should feel good about saying ‘No’ to their children | Good News Lutheran College (schooltv.me)

Positive Parenting | Good News Lutheran College (schooltv.me)

Acknowledgement: Article by Pamela Myers published by The Child Development Institute, November 2016