Dear St Margaret Mary’s Parents and Carers,

Amazing piece of writing appeared in the Herald. It has been paraphrased so that you can benefit from the beautiful sentiments and have a deeper understanding of what it means to live out our Christianity in action. I am sorry that it is so long but if you take a little amount of time by yourself to read it it will speak volumes to you.

THAT KID

Dear Parent,

I know. You're worried. Every day, your child comes home with a story about THAT kid. The one who is always hitting, shoving, pinching, scratching, maybe even biting other children. The one who climbed over the playground fence.

You're worried that THAT child is detracting from your child's learning experience. You're worried that he takes up too much of my time and energy, and that your child won't get his fair share. You're worried that she is really going to hurt someone someday. You're worried that "someone" might be your child. You're worried that your child is going to start using aggression to get what she wants.

Your child, this year, in this classroom, at this age, is not THAT child. Your child is not perfect, but she generally follows rules. He is able to share toys peaceably. She does not throw furniture. He raises his hand to speak. She works when it is time to work, and plays when it is time to play. He can be trusted to go straight to the bathroom and straight back again with no shenanigans. I know, and I am worried, too.

You see, I worry all the time. About ALL of them. I worry about your child's pencil grip, and another child's letter sounds, and that little tiny one's shyness, and that other one's chronically empty lunchbox. I worry that Talitha's dad yells at her for printing the letter B backwards. But I know you want to talk about THAT child. Because Talitha's backward B's are not going to give your child a black eye.

I want to talk about THAT child, too, but there are so many things I can't tell you. I can't tell you that she was adopted from an orphanage at 18 months. I can't tell you that he is on an elimination diet for possible food allergies, and that he is therefore hungry all the time. I can't tell you that her parents are in the middle of a horrendous divorce, and she has been staying with her grandma. I can't tell you that I'm starting to worry that grandma drinks. I can't tell you that his asthma medication makes him agitated. I can't tell you that her mum is a single parent, and so she (the child) is at school from the moment before-care opens, until the moment after-care closes, and then the drive between home and school takes 40 minutes, and so she (the child) is getting less sleep than most adults. I can't tell you that he has been a witness to domestic violence.

That's OK, you say. You understand I can't share personal or family information. You just want to know what I am DOING about THAT child's behaviour. I would love to tell you. But I can't.

I can't tell you that she receives speech-language services, that an assessment showed a severe language delay, and that the therapist feels the aggression is linked to frustration about being unable to communicate. I can't tell you that I meet with his parents EVERY week, and that both of them usually cry at those meetings. I can't tell you that the child and I have a secret hand signal to tell me when she needs to sit by herself for a while. I can't tell you that I have been meticulously tracking her aggressive incidents for 3 months, and that she has dropped from 5 incidents a day, to 5 incidents a week. I can't tell you that the school secretary has agreed that I can send him to the office to "help" when I can tell he needs a change of scenery.

I can't tell you that I have stood up in a staff meeting and, with tears in my eyes, BEGGED my colleagues to keep an extra close eye on her, to be kind to her even when they are frustrated that she just punched someone AGAIN, and this time, RIGHT IN FRONT OF A TEACHER.

The thing is, there are SO MANY THINGS I can't tell you about THAT child. I can't even tell you the good stuff.

I can't tell you that his classroom job is to water the plants, and that he cried with heartbreak when one of the plants died over winter break. I can't tell you that she kisses her baby sister goodbye every morning, and whispers "You are my sunshine" before mum pushes the stroller away. I can't tell you that he knows more about thunderstorms than most meteorologists. I can't tell you that she often asks to help sharpen the pencils during playtime. I can't tell you that she strokes her best friend's hair at rest time. I can't tell you that when a classmate is crying, he rushes over.

The thing is, dear parent, that I can only talk to you about YOUR child. So, what I can tell you is this:

If ever, at any point, YOUR child, or any of your children, becomes THAT child ...I will not share your personal family business with other parents in the classroom. I will communicate with you frequently, clearly, and kindly. I will make sure there are tissues nearby at all our meetings, and if you let me, I will hold your hand when you cry. I will advocate for your child and family to receive the highest quality of specialist services, and I will cooperate with those professionals to the fullest possible extent.

I will make sure your child gets extra love and affection when she needs it most. I will be a voice for your child in our school community. I will, no matter what happens, continue to look for, and to find, the good, amazing, special, and wonderful things about your child.

And when another parent comes to me, with concerns about YOUR child ...I will tell them all of this, all over again.

With so much love,

Teacher

Amy Murray is the director of early childhood education at the Calgary French & International School in Canada. The above post appeared on her blog, Miss Night's Marbles Murray is also the co-founder of #Kinderchat (www.kinderchat.net), a twitter-based global community for educators of young children. She is a speaker and trainer on learning through play, self-regulation, behaviour management, and the use of technology within the classroom.

Together we can achieve so much.

Pauline

WHAT’S HAPPENING IN WEEK 5?

Monday 7 November
Tuesday 8 November	School photographs
Wednesday 9 November	Playgroup 9.00am
Thursday 10 November	Kindergarten 2023 (Number 2 session)
Friday 11 November	Remembrance Day

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