Junior School

Talking about Consent with Junior School Children

Last week Dr Lavorato wrote brilliantly in the Especean about the matter of consent and young men. I truly hope you took time to digest her article and made time to approach this sensitive issue with your sons. 

It is important to have this conversation throughout a child’s life, over and over, and always in age-appropriate ways. I clearly recall my children being in pre-school and being taught about ‘yes feelings’ and ‘no feelings’, and that if someone does something that gives you ‘no feelings’, you should always tell a trusted adult. Repeating that message over and over made a serious impact on my children, and hopefully many others too, and helped keep them safe.

So how can we approach the issue of consent with our Junior School boys? Here is one idea. At recent PCPs I have been talking with Junior School boys about the following scenario: imagine you and some friends are mucking around, teasing each other in a good-natured way, and it seems everyone is happy enough and thinks it is funny. Then, something happens, something is said, and suddenly the mood changes. Somehow, you can tell that someone has been offended or hurt. You do not know exactly what has happened, however the feeling is definitely different. In that moment, the mutual consent that was present when things were playful has gone, and the game/conversation must STOP. Even if no-one straight out says ‘stop’, it is clear, that this is no longer a consensual interaction and it must STOP. Trust your gut – if the feeling or the mood changes, it is a good idea to back off. And if you are confused or if something does not sit right with you after being involved in a situation like this, talk to a trusted adult.

It is important for young people to know that no means no, but also that sometimes situations are more subtle than a clear ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Often with young people, talking about scenarios can help them enter into and develop understanding of such grey areas. If you give this a try, I would love to hear how it goes for you.

International Women’s Day

All my best wishes to the wonderful women who are part of the St Patrick’s community – parents, carers, teachers, support staff, volunteers, coaches and others – for International Women’s Day  last Monday. One of my daughters thought it funny that we, as a boys’ school, made such a big deal of a day for women. After a great family conversation, she began to see that equality and equity can only be possible when men and boys do things a little (or a lot) differently than things have been done up till now.

It seems appropriate to mark this occasion during the season of Lent, when we are actively preparing and trying to change our hearts in readiness for Holy Week and Easter. Let us remind ourselves that according to the scriptures, it was the women who stood by Jesus crucified, who prepared him for burial and who were the first to witness the new life of the resurrection. May God grant us the grace to see what needs to be changed and the strength to make those changes.

God bless,

Ben Munday

Director of Junior School