Chaplain’s Spot

What children need most

from their parents

I wonder how much you remember from your childhood. Also, how many attributes of your parents do you see in yourself? How many did you decide to continue, and how many did you not carry into your own parenthood? Life as a child is so much more complicated than when I was young. I decided to create a list of ideas of what kids need most from their parents. The ideas came from students, staff, and, of course Google!

Students -

I would like to begin with a summary from one of the senior classes. They were very thoughtful, as they considered what was important to them: The highest are listed first.

Food & water Home/shelter Attention/time Love

Fun & joy Care/heart Affection Happy/Gratefulness

Clothes Education Supportive Encourage/praise

Positive feedback Friends Safe neighbourhood Kindness

Someone to talk to Books Have our voice heard Fitness/exercise

Family Funny Always tries the best Technology [for some]

You will see that the first two relate to physical needs, but the next six are related to the inner qualities of love, connection and healthy attitudes.

[Why not ask your children which things they appreciate most in your family]

Staff -

Resilience was a major choice for one teacher.

Another said, ‘Children want their parents to focus on them and not just their problems. They want their parents' undivided attention. They want their parents to be interested in their thoughts and feelings, and not just know about their day-to-day life facts. Children want their parents' opinions and not criticism.’

Here is another view: ‘In my opinion, the kids need to be loved, but not spoiled rotten; they need to be protected, but not locked up in a tower; they need to have their minds filled with good values and life experiences, not rooms filled with toys and gadgets meant to replace the presence and care of humans.

I would say that kids most need from their parents unconditional love, along with boundaries and routine. They NEED to be taught basic manners, how to say thank you, and how to care for all their family, so they can learn to show empathy and gratitude. They need to be taught respect and common sense.’

‘As a middle child in a family of six. I feel that when I was little, I needed my parents to provide for me and make me feel safe, from my teenage years to now, I needed my parents for guidance and validation.

Looking back on my own parenting it was important that my children needed to be heard with non-judgement. As hard as it may be sometimes, we need to think about how we react which is always better said than done.

Kids need to know that we are not perfect and just like them we are working on bettering ourselves every day. We learn from the experiences we encounter together.’

Google –

‘Kids must feel safe and sound, with their basic survival needs met: shelter, food, clothing, medical care and protection from harm.’

The eight things kids need to thrive [Children’s Hospital Colorado]

Security: Kids must feel safe and sound, with their basic survival needs met: shelter, food, clothing, medical care and protection from harm.
Stability: Stability comes from family and community. Kids and families should be a part of larger units to give them a sense of belonging, tradition and cultural continuity.
Consistency: No "good cop, bad cop." Parents should synchronize their parenting and make sure important values stay consistent.
Emotional support: Parents' words and actions should encourage kids' trust, respect, self-esteem and, ultimately, independence.
Love: Saying and showing you love your kids can overcome almost any parenting "mistakes". Even when they have disobeyed, angered, frustrated and rebelled against you, show them you'll always love them.
Education: Make sure your kids get the best possible education for their future. This includes school, of course, but it also includes the invaluable life lessons you provide during the time you spend together.
Positive role models: Instill your values, and teach children empathy by being the kind of person you want them to become.
Structure: Rules, boundaries, and limits: Without them, kids are forced to be adults before they are ready, and they lose respect for you and other adults.

The "miracle solution": kids need time.

Without enough time to spend with kids, "You miss out on the wonderful privileges of parenting," Dr. Rotbart says. "And kids miss out on some of their needs."

"Time is the miracle solution," says Dr. Rotbart. "The minutes or hours you spend with your kids gives you opportunity to provide all their essential needs — and much more."

How was that summary for you? Perhaps you could name your top 10 and email me.

Meal Train roster: There are still dates available for those preparing our weekly emergency meal in Term 1 – March 27 and April 3. The link is mealtrain.com/vlwooz.

Toast Tuesday roster: We have one space left for Term 1: April 4.

Emergency food: We are collecting non-perishable food items for needy families. If you are able to bring any items to the office, marked to my attention, that would be most appreciated. Thank you.

FRIDAY FUN: Today’s joke is:

Q: How can someone leave home on Friday, stay away for 4 nights, and return on Friday?A: Friday is the name of their horse.

Contact:

If you need to contact me, you can email me, or phone or see me on my days as listed.

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Alan Silverwood: Chaplain - Pastoral care for our community. [Monday, Tuesday, Friday]

[alan.silverwood@education.vic.gov.au] Supporting the School community in emotional, social, spiritual and practical wellbeing.

Our Chaplaincy program is funded by the Federal Government’s ‘National Student Wellbeing Program’, the GRPS School Council and donations.