What it’s like to be a neurodivergent family with ADHD

Sarah Lander is an ADHDer, a Robbie Mac Mum, Wife, Primary School Teacher and is back at university doing a Masters in Learning Intervention (with some great academic accommodations and support from the university).

What is ADHD?

ADHD is the acronym for Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, I don’t like to think of it in this way, I like to think of it as a neuro (brain) type. We are a family of ADHDers, so what does that look like for us? Not what you would typically think. I’d like to tell you about ADHD and how it impacts the brain and what it looks like in our lives and at school. If what I share with you resonates, I have also included some great links to resources that have helped me wrap my head around ADHD.

ADHD and the Brain

So, there are 3 types of ADHD:

ADHD/HI- Hyperactive/ Impulsive (The one we all know as the typical ADHD- More commonly diagnosed in boys)
ADHD/I - Inattentive (The forgetful and disorganised day dreamer –Harder to diagnose and can look like a learning difficulty, more common in girls)
ADHD/C - Combination (The forgetful and disorganised day dreamer who fidgets and can’t sit still)

ADHD affects your attention and Executive Function. Executive Function is the part of the brain that helps you process more complex tasks like organising, planning, predicting and regulating emotions. It is made up of three main cognitive abilities: Working Memory, Impulse Control and Cognitive Flexibility. The chart below shows these abilities, what they do and how a person with ADHD can struggle with them. The great thing is that the brain can be trained and supports can be put in place!

ADHD and the Brain	Function	Real life struggle
Attention	Your ability to hold your attention and to remain focused.	Trying to listen to someone talking but the cutest puppies are having a play over the person’s shoulder and is so distracting. Or… Zoning out, being distracted by thoughts in our heads when you need to concentrate on a task/ conversation.
Working Memory	Short-term memory storage.	Going to do something but forgetting what it was you needed to do. Or… Reading instructions but forgetting what the instructions said so you need to read them again (and again and again…).
Impulse Control	Fighting the urge to do something spontaneous.	Snatching a toy off someone because you want it NOW and absolutely cannot wait. Or… Wanting a lolly so much you eat the whole bowl, but don’t realise until you are staring at an empty bowl.
Cognitive Flexibility	Transitioning between activities, places, thoughts and emotions.	Cannot get out of bed in the morning. Or… Cannot move to the next lesson because your head is still thinking about the last lesson.

Whilst the above examples can happen to anyone, they occur more frequently with ADHDers.

What it looks like for us as a family

My kids and I are officially ADHD/ Combination. Yep, we fidget as we daydream. It looks very different in all three of us, but the commonalities are: we all get easily distracted, lose track of time, and run late, we can forget and loose things (lunch boxes and lids!). We interrupt conversations because the urge is real, and we don’t want to forget what we need to say but then we forget the point of what we are talking about and go off topic. We do have a few unfinished projects and piles around the house that we need to attend to but just don’t know how to start/finish them. We can be last minute too because no urgency = no motivation. Bedrooms and cupboards can get messy if we don’t keep on top of them and knowing where to begin to start tidying up can be quite overwhelming and dysregulating too. We can be fun and spontaneous once we are up and going. ADHD certainly makes our life interesting, we are not afraid of an adventure, and we are creative out of the box thinkers which is definitely a superpower. But it can be stressful, anxiety** is a very big part of our lives and we are getting better at managing this too.

** Generalised Anxiety Disorder is a common comorbidity to ADHD.

What we use to support us

We have had to learn how to be organised and regulated these are some of the ways we have found that work for us:

Checklists EVERYWHERE!
Family calendar on our devices
Weekly magnetic whiteboard on the fridge is what keeps us mostly in line
Make and commit time for things that need to be done e.g. homework on Thursday afternoon and Saturday morning
Alarms to keep track of time
An agreed time to leave the house, rather than focussing on the time we need to be somewhere
Breaking a big job into little tasks and ticking it off (It’s important to celebrate as this keeps motivation going)
Getting the kids’ attention sometimes requires a pat on the shoulder, yelling can get stressful and boring
Giving the kids instructions in a few steps and then ask them to repeat it back to me, so I know I have been heard and they understand

We use mindfulness practices to keep us calm and regulated, these are very important to us:

Deep breathing
Body scans (especially at bedtime)
Stop – Think (Breath) – Act
Getting into nature
Spending time with the dog or other animals
Listening to/play music
Doing art, painting or clay
Occupational Therapy helps the children strengthen their executive function and emotional regulation

We don’t always get it right and things still slip through the cracks, it is super frustrating when they do. We are learning to be more kind to ourselves and to each other.

What ADHD looks like at school

It doesn’t matter what type of ADHD a learner has, they need to move! ADHD is like a spectrum, ‘hyperactive/ impulsive’ ADHDers who can’t sit still need to move so they can calm their brains and ‘inattentive’ ADHDers need movement to activate their brains. Children with ADHD can often have learning difficulties with reading, writing or maths too. This may be because they have missed out on key learning points due to lack of attention or just find it hard to remember what they learn and need more time to practice. Their impulsivity can get them into trouble with friends and teachers too. Research has sadly found that children with ADHD hear negative feedback more than a non-ADHD child and, if not identified and supported, a child with ADHD can develop low self-esteem and lack belief in themselves and their ability.

Learners with ADHD can be supported using strategies such as:

Sitting at the front of the classroom with distraction behind them.
Being encouraged to ask the teacher to repeat what they said.
Getting the teacher to write instructions on the board.
Having the teacher check in with the student to ensure they are on task.
Breaking learning activities down into small achievable sections.
Regular movement breaks.
Practice mindfulness in the classroom. (Educational research has found this works.)

With allowances made, potential can be achieved. In some instances, attention medication helps to make big improvements in learning too.

Some final words…

ADHD is not a disorder there are superpowers and with understanding, acceptance, educational support and brain training it is possible for a person with ADHD to achieve their full and beautiful potential.

Resources:

ADDITUDE Magazine - ADDitude - ADD & ADHD Symptom Tests, Signs, Treatment, Support (additudemag.com)

Understood - ADHD in Children | Understood

Understood – ADHD AHA Podcasts - ADHD Aha! Podcast (understood.org)

Executive Function 101 E-book - executivefunction101ebook_344.pdf (chconline.org)

Russell Barkley – A guru and author on ADHD. He also has an informative YouTube channel.

Before and After School Care Program