THRIVE
Give & Take
A key way to build relationships and ensure they stay robust is to remember the importance of give and take. If you give to other people then they are more likely to give to you. Conversely, if you take too much from others then they may be more inclined to make withdrawals from you. We help the children understand this concept with the use of a very popular book ‘How Full is Your Bucket’ by Rath & Reckmeyer. The important thing to note is that we must be careful to identify what is important to the person so we can fill up their bucket with things that they value. David Cottrell identified ‘Bucket filling is in the eye of the bucket holder, not the bucket filler. Fill their buckets with things that are important to them… not you’. Research has found we have a ‘love language’, a way we express and like to receive love. If we can understand these languages it can help us fill other people’s buckets and in turn help them fill ours too.
Dr Gary Chapman identified 5 key ways that people tend to express love.
- Words of Affirmation
This is when you say positive and nice things to the person you care about. These words will also build self-image and confidence. - Quality Time
This involves sharing your time with that person and giving them your undivided attention. - Gifts
It’s universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. It could be something you made, found or a present to celebrate a special occasion. - Acts of Service
This means doing things to help and support that person. These acts of service like vacuuming, feeding the dog, or unpacking the dishwasher, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love. - Physical Touch
This is about being physically close. It could be a hug, kiss, or hand-shake.
Tips
- Identify your love language and that of your child. You can complete a free survey to help you work it out.
- https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/
- Make an effort to do something to fill up your child’s bucket everyday. This will encourage them to reciprocate and can help strengthen your relationship.
- Talk to your child when they have ‘emptied’ your bucket and how they can fill your bucket.
Resources
Children’s book ‘How full is your bucket’ by Rath & Reckmeyer