From the Counsellor
Being our Best Self
While it’s broadly understood that our environment can shape the way we feel, think and therefore behave, it’s also becoming accepted that we can influence our immediate environment by taking greater responsibility for our emotional awareness/intelligence, and how we might respond to situations, thus enhancing our mental health and enriching our relationships.
Over the past four weeks, I’ve been encouraging the Year Eights, who are training in teenMHFA, to be their best selves, to deliberately focus on the content and process of this course with calmness, open curiosity and non-judgement, and to be mutually supportive. The Year Eights complete their training in teenMHFA this week and early next term will be receiving their Certificate of Completion and a treat (not of the chocolate variety) comprising a collection of self-calming and grounding skills. It takes a village for the Years Eight and Ten cohorts to be trained in this essential skill set and the pastoral and Health Education staff are crucial supports and catalysts in this project.
“Being our best self” also features in the Friday class 'Work Ready Life Ready' for Year Elevens, where recently, I invited the wonderful Baudin students to consider that each of us carries burdens and that we may have no idea what is really going on for others. Two Strangers Who Meet Five Times is an award winning short film which I use in the WRLR class as a conduit for discussion around the following: that the ”isms” are learned as we are not born racist, sexist, homophobic, ageist or ableist … and that it behoves each of us to practise non-judgment, to be aware of our biases and to understand that others matter. Other topics which emerge include unconscious biases, those aspects of our life that we can control and cannot control, self-management, skills around empathy and perspective taking, and healthy relationships. You can find the film here: Award Winning Short Film - Two Strangers Who Meet Five Times by Marcus Markou - YouTube
And recently, I’ve been fortunate in chatting to some of the Year Twelve Leaders each morning as they wait to warmly welcome others to the Comfort Zone, a touchstone space for students, to mix and greet prior to homeroom each day. In some of these discussions with our estimable student leaders – Andrew, Ellie, Mia, Josh, Stella, Ruby and Emma – I’ve learned of their decision making around the very real dilemma regarding participation in Country Week. Andrew and Josh each wrestled with their decision, weighing the competing variables and what if’s, finally deciding to not participate. This was indeed a courageous option, grounded in a personal values clarification/analysis which considered both the now and the future. Some Year Twelves have not experienced Country Week at all due to the two year COVID-19 hiatus – and this final opportunity to participate or not, was a decision with which to grapple for many of our Year Twelves. The most assured path to being our best selves starts with acknowledging our values: what gives us meaning and motivation, what gets us out of bed every morning, what we stand for, what we would intervene upon, how we wish to be considered … I acknowledge that all decisions around Country Week participation were values based.
Values clarification within identity formation is crucial and empowering, and sometimes the right decision for us is not an immediate or smooth choice.
Family and School Culture – the Influence/rs and Challenges to Being Our Best Selves
Our youth are exposed, vulnerable, hungry, curious … and open to the multifarious influences and influencers in their lives. Their fizzing, sizzling, meandering, sharp, risk inclined, adventurous brains are dominated by the neurochemicals whose origins are in their limbic systems which house the drivers for emotions and rewards. By the mid-20s the myelination process which connects all areas of the brain is complete: we are able to make more considered decisions; we respond thoughtfully rather than react spontaneously; we can negotiate with others and compromise for needs fulfilment. And, while our young people’s brains are developing, and undergoing cortical pruning processes, they are at their most vulnerable. Our young people are open to some complex, tempting and perhaps confusing influence/rs via social media, pop culture and gaming platforms such as Tik Tok, Discord, Snapchat, Instagram, PornHub etc. Youth and online gaming | eSafety Commissioner offer some startling facts. About - The Unplugged Psychologist offers more data on this topic.
So supporting our young people to be their best selves is crucial I believe. Assisting them in developing skills of critical thinking, values based decision making, and effective communication will help them to become more healthy, discerning consumers of media and social influence.
Suffice it to say – our family and school cultures are constantly being bombarded by competing messages which can undermine our belief systems and values. Creating a family language of cooperation, consent, respect, safety and empathy, as well as family rituals (eating together, sharing in family pastimes, events, celebrations etc) can serve as antidotes to the messages of misogyny, violence, entitlement, nihilism and such like, which our youth are exposed to.
A recent example comes to mind – consider verbs such as “nail, smash, screw, bang, slam, knock, hammer, rap …”. Of course these are action words, synonymous with construction sites, or the building industry. And yet, our youth hear these verbs in songs, clips, films as vernacular or verbal currency associated with relationships and a false portrayal of intimacy. We know that much of this is influenced and promulgated by the very accessible porn industry. When PornHub went free to air in 2017, our young people were exposed to confusing, frightening, compulsive, titillating and transgressive experiences. Language and family discussion around such cultural challenges is crucial. These websites are useful for families who wish to pursue and develop healthy and realistic values Peggy Orenstein AMAZE - Age appropriate info on puberty for tweens and their parents.
Success for Our Children and Adolescents – or How to Become our Best Self Going Forward
Lastly, socio-cultural research suggests that the major indicators for success for this generation of young people are psychological flexibility/emotional agility (check Susan David, Russ Harris and Louise Hayes), the ability to delay gratification and possessing a healthy EQ or emotional intelligence. Being your best self is a lifelong process, which can be guided by our values in concert with these three predictors.
Ms Sheryl Moncur | Counsellor, Teacher