Challenge 1: :Learned helplessness

3 weeks in...

Parents will have learned a lot about their children in the last 3 weeks. Children's learning habits and behaviours can be quite different from how they approach other challenges around the home and at sporting clubs. Sometimes surprising, often frustrating, occasionally concerning. 

There are many elements of teaching that are not generally considered: the ability to pick up on cues from the learners, the flexibility to adapt expectations quickly and creatively, the confidence of how each small lesson will develop into a full body of knowledge. Unfortunately, being out of the room when learning is happening means that teachers are limited in how they can use these skills. But there's nothing to stop you trying to learn a few. 

The following are a few things we think some of you will be starting to notice or should be on the look out for. 

If you're just looking for some quick tips, a summary of suggestions: 

- Students need to take ownership of their work, their successes and failures.

- Don't do their work for them. 

- Don't be afraid to have them submit (and justify) unfinished work. 

- Use the teacher's learning intentions and success criteria to guide what to focus on and don't expand this.

- Set a reasonable time limit for work and for checking in. The more visual support you have (timers, marked sections on a page) the more a child can manage their learning. 

- As angry and frustrated as you may get, expressing this in the moment is unlikely to help. Don't be afraid to admit defeat, pack up everything, go outside for a walk and try again the next day. 

And remember, the work your child completes each day is not a reflection of you as a parent (good or bad); the work your child completes is an indication on that day of their own progress in their own academic development. 

Learned Helplessness

This is a psychological term that is closely linked to depression. In education, it has been perhaps hijacked and changed a little so let me explain what we mean by this. 

Put simply, this is when a child has learned that it is better to get help than to do something by themselves.

A classic example of this is children learning to feed themselves, clean up or carry their own items. Sometimes they are fine at home but treat grandparents like a pack mule. I have taught children who can feed themselves perfectly fine at school but at 6 years of age, when at home, expect to be spoon fed. 

Behaviours that you see repeated by children serve a functional need of some sort. These functions are often described as being for: social attention, escape, sensory stimulation or a tangible reward. 

For some children, they recognise very early on that being not able to do something actually results in an adult spending more time with them. This increased attention meets a need for attention for many children and develops into a habit where they might wait helplessly until an adult comes to 'save them'. In the classroom, a child might like to wait and have the teacher repeat the instructions just to them, despite having heard and understood what was explained to the class. 

We also see it a lot in spelling, where students like the feeling of writing with someone next to them, so they will pause and wait for an adult to spell a word for them before they continue writing. At these times, you will be left scratching your head wondering why they can spell one word by themselves but need you to help them with a simpler one. Or why they only need you to prompt the first letter before they continue spelling the whole word. 

Children who have previously worked in intervention groups or with an aide can fall into this trap, but it is observed in many children and can apply only to certain subjects.   

I can imagine many children are stretching out the amount of help they ask from their parents during remote learning. This is likely to be especially true for parents who struggle to be at home generally but are suddenly always available.

If you are trying to get away to the study to get going on your work, a child might find a dozen things they suddenly don't understand or need help with before you leave the room. In many circumstances it will be your presence and attention they crave, not really assistance with the work. 

When this behaviour gets out of hand, children can throw tantrums, hide under tables, snap pencils ... a whole range of unpleasantness. However, some children have mastered the art of stubbornness and can quite easily wait a full 2 hours without seeming to blink an eyelid, waiting for you to give in. 

What should I do?

Identifying the function of a behaviour is not always obvious. If you suspect your child can do the work independently but is asking for help just for attention, try strategies that will meet this need on terms that work for you. For example: 

- set agreed times for when you will come out to check on them - and meet these times.

- set agreed areas that you will help with before starting, e.g. 'I will help you understand the instructions and how you need to submit it. But you need to solve all the problems by yourself.'

- spend quality time together before starting work and study

- ensure that you praise and discuss openly with others the work a child does independently

- read books and watch movies together that promote the idea of independence and self-sufficiency: and discuss these themes with your child (avoid helpless princess stories where the character is waiting to be saved)   

- if possible, try working near your child without helping them: physical proximity can often make a big difference. 

What should I avoid?

- As a general rule, being angry about this won't help you move forward. In some cases, the attention gained from you being angry is preferable to you leaving the room. 

- Giving in and doing all your child's work for them will reinforce the behaviour. You've spent more time with them and all their work is done, so now they can spend even more time with you. 

- Try to avoid playing the role of saviour. We see some children who get a lot more attention from parents when they report being upset at school (bullied, teased, unfairly treated) and fall into a pattern of often looking for these stories to maintain that level of attention. Maximise time spent with your children celebrating positives.