Year 9 Pastoral Guardian

During the past fortnight there has been a sudden increase in the number of friendship issues amongst Year 9s.  I am particularly worried as the timing has coincided with the busiest two weeks of Term 4. Mental health and well being is significantly impacted during a friendship breakdown, and the first thing to suffer is one’s ability to concentrate on school work.  The challenge then becomes a question of when and how to deal with these issues, so that academic performance does not decline rapidly.  While I am trying to encourage all Year 9 students to be more mature and independent in dealing with their friendship problems, it is still very important to guide them, and to be the positive influence they need.

When talking to your daughter about friendship issues, I recommend applying the ‘three-step restorative’ approach.

1. What has happened?  Who is involved?  How do you feel?
2. How did your actions impact others?
3. Let’s devise a plan to restore some form of relationship.

Take the time to talk through (or write) the responses to each step.  This will hopefully provide clarity for you and your daughter and allow for you both to devise a plan that is proactive.

The plan could include:

• Setting up a time to meet with the other people involved, with an adult mediator present.
• Making a time with the Pastoral Guardian or a teacher at school to ask for support and advice.
• Visiting a College Counsellor.
• Remaining calm, being non-reactive, ignoring negative behaviour ,and focusing on building stronger connections with others.
• Making strong boundaries around social media, such as removing or blocking people who are involved in negative conflict.
• Changing friendship groups - It’s okay to make new friends.  Seek opportunities to meet new people by joining new groups such as Sport or Outreach, sit with different people in class, etc.
• Exercising, sleeping, and eating well.
• Practise mediation by using apps such as Headspace and Smiling Mind.

Let’s continue to teach our girls to live by the Franciscan values; to be honest, respectful, and empathetic so that friendship concerns of any nature can be dealt with in a calm and compassionate manner.

The array of emotions that is expressed and felt during a friendship breakdown can be very stressful for everyone involved, especially the parents.  So be sure to have someone to whom you can speak, and don’t hesitate to seek advice.  For further information you can refer to https://raisingchildren.net.au/teens/communicating-relationships

Tamara Richardson

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