Bucket-Filler Thoughts:
In the world we live and grow up in, there is a worldwide problem with bullying. Bullying in school is widely defined as repeated, intentional acts of aggression directed toward a student who has less status or power (Datta, Cornell & Huang, 2017).
Bullying is sad, hurtful and destructive - to the person being bullied but also to the person being a bully (though they usually don't realise it at the time).
Bucket Filling is a philosophy and approach that helps change children's thinking away from the temptation to be mean and towards the approach of being kind. It also teaches children how to protect themselves and their feelings.
In many schools, bullying affects children and their well-being. Confronting this problem with more negative attention is a commonly attempted solution. “If you bully, there will be consequences.”
In my day, if someone was a bully, the strap or the cane would be the consequence. I am unsure how a teacher hitting someone smaller than themselves could be seen as a good way of teaching a bully not to hit someone smaller than themselves.
At Western Heights, we teach children they own the choices they make. The choices they make might be bad, but that does not make the child bad - only their choice.
We teach them they own the outcomes of their choices - whether good or bad.
We also teach them they own the responsibility for making things right if they mess up.
The person who decides how things can be made right is the person who was hurt or impacted by the choices made.
Our goal is to teach children to see their choices have outcomes and to take ownership of those choices and outcomes.
We ALL mess up - and we all have the responsibility of fixing it up after we mess up.
This approach is designed to bring a change of thinking and a change of heart in those who mess up. We don't want children not hurting others because they are afraid of punishment. We want children to know in their hearts what is right and to do right even when no one is looking. This is whakapono - integrity.
Back to Bucket Filling:
Bucket filling is a tool for focusing on positive attitudes and behaviour. Many education settings use the concept of bucket filling toeducate children about feelings and emotions.The underlying message is that each person carries with them an invisible bucket, and when that bucket is full, the person feels happy, confident, secure, calm and content. On the other hand, if a person is carrying an empty bucket, they are likely to be feeling upset, down, dissatisfied or unhappy.
A ‘bucket filler’ is a person who behaves in a way that helps to fill another person’s bucket. By being kind, empathetic and compassionate – we can help fill other people’s buckets so that they, too, can feel better. A foundational aspect of the concept of bucket filling is that it allows children and adults to better express how they are feeling and understand how they impact how others feel, thus improving emotional and social skills, encouraging positive behaviour and improving self-regulation.
How do you fill a bucket?
You can fill someone else’s bucket by acting in a supportive, helpful and kind way. Helping someone struggling, paying someone a compliment, sharing storytime with your kids or showing someone that you care for them through kindness are all ways to express bucket-filling behaviour. It really is that simple. Simple kindness usually fills a person’s bucket.
Check out this YouTube clip: Have You Filled a Bucket Today? (1105) Kidco Storytime Online – Have You Filled a Bucket Today? – YouTube
Here are some simple ways to fill someone’s bucket:
- A hug
- Share something with them
- Let them overhear you saying something kind about them to someone else
- Practice gratitude with them
- Use your manners
- Create ways to include them
- Think of something kind you can do for someone else and do it together
- Bake something for them, or bake together
- Write a thank you note
- Tell someone you are proud of them, with a specific reason why
- Leave sticky notes for someone with kind messages on them
- Listen when someone needs you to listen
- Tell someone you love that you love them
- Smile
- Do something fun!
What is a bucket filler vs a bucket dipper?
Whilst a bucket filler does their best to help others feel better, bucket dippers do the opposite. Bucket dippers use actions, words and behaviours that have a negative impact on others. Some behaviours that fall into bucket dipping include teasing, saying unkind things and refusing to help or include someone else. Bullies are definitely bucket dippers, but often, it’s a sign that their buckets are particularly low.
This means that helping fill the bucket of a bully might help them stop dipping into the buckets of others to make themselves feel better.
A bucket dipper probably has an empty bucket! Encouraging children to ‘use their lid’ to build resilience and coping strategies will further empower them.
What Does “Use Your Lid” Mean?
With the bucket representing a person’s emotional and mental health, it is also very important to learn how to protect the good thoughts and feelings that have been gathered. The concept of using a ‘lid’ refers to placing a mental shield over things that might dip in and take from your bucket. It is said that a person can train themselves to deal with negative situations immediately so that the positivity inside the bucket isn’t reduced.
Young children can be taught that they can use their lid to protect themselves from hurtful things by not letting mean thoughts and ideas sneak into their bucket of positive thoughts and emotions. Using a lid for the bucket will help build personal resilience that strengthens each individual’s ability to deal with the obstacles and challenges that might come their way in life.
Why is it important to teach children about bucket filling?
Since the concepts of bucket filling and bucket dipping are so very simple, it is the perfect way to teach children about protecting their mental health. Educators within early education and care settings have discovered that this method works with even very young children and provides the vocabulary to express feelings clearly. The concept also supports children in learning that their own words and actions can profoundly impact others; therefore, bucket filling can be a valuable anti-bullying teaching tool.
A focus on kindness as one of the greatest gifts we can give children and doing what you can to fill others’ buckets gives children, teens and adults the mindset that will allow them to go out in the world wanting to be a positive impact on others rather than a negative one.
Summary
As the concept of bucket filling has certainly taken off across the globe, it is clear that this methodology resonates with a great many people. Learning about mental health and self-care from a very young age is important in our fast-paced and often stressful world - helping to create happiness for ourselves and others.
So, have you filled someone else’s bucket today? Use the bucket-filling term and use it frequently. Encourage those around you to use it as a measurement of mental health and well-being. It works for all ages and for any stage of life.
“Bucket filling is in the eye of the bucket holder, not the bucket filler.
Fill their buckets with things that are important to them … not you.”
David Cottrell