Wellbeing

Talking about consent

With the recent focus in the national newspapers about consent and sexual assault  it has encouraged me to think further about how I as a mum have or haven’t effectively managed to have conversations with my own children about consent, and as a school how we support our young people to learn to navigate relationships. At VSC we like to think supporting our young people to learn about respectful relationships is a partnership between the school, families and the wider community. 

For those not sure about where to start there are plenty of resources on the internet however here a few tips to get you started.

So, what is consent?

Consent is when a person is involved in and agrees to a sexual experience without fear or pressure. A person can only give consent when they are in a physical state to give consent (i.e not under the influence of drugs or alcohol) and are of age to do so.

• Think of discussing consent as not one big conversation but something that happens over time.  Use newspaper stories as they arise, incidents that happen on TV shows as discussion starters, comments your young person may make about things they saw at parties or heard about as steps into a wider conversation about what consent looks like
• Talk with your young person not at them, ask them what they think, what they would have done in that situation, what doesn’t feel clear, how they think they would know if someone gave consent, even if it has ever been discussed in school classes such as Health
• Don’t assume when talking about consent that you are only talking about heterosexual relationships…..whilst as adults we still often work from the assumption that our young people are heterosexual, in reality we can’t know the sexual orientation of our young people or that of their friends.
• Do some research for yourself about what consent actually means so you have some idea about what you want to cover (good ideas to keep in mind are that consent for one thing doesn’t mean consent for everything, consenting once doesn’t mean consent for all the time and the importance of taking into account someone’s physical state when gaining consent).
• “Consent is as simple as tea” is a brief clip on You Tube that summaries consent in a simple, brief user friendly way if you are feeling confused yourself and don’t know where to start
• Discuss what consent would look like or what lack of consent would like  and how they could actually ask for consent
• Brainstorm ways that they may deny consent.  Saying no can be tricky for many of us, particularly for young people who are still in their infancy in terms of learning how to look after themselves.  Brainstorm signs that someone may not be being respectful to them.  We tend to think of worse case scenarios when consent hasn’t been given, but it is important to remember that often there are baby steps that occur in relationships that move towards assault or control

Author: Leesa Moar (Social Worker at VSC) 

If you have any questions or concerns, or if this raises any concerns for you, please feel free to contact us at wellbeing via our email: wellbeing@vermontsc.vic.edu.au

If this raises concerns for you, or if you need to speak to someone, you can call 1800 RESPECT on 1800 737 723 which is a free hotline for people experiencing violence or abuse. Or,  Centres Against Sexual Assault on 1800 806 292. 

A brief reminder that the Wellbeing Team will be hosting an Information Evening about how to manage and support young people experiencing anxiety on Monday the 22nd of March at 6pm. The link to join will be posted on compass along with some pre-reading. We hope to see you there!