STUDENT WELLBEING
GENDER-BASED ISSUES AND OUR NEED TO RESPOND
The issues surrounding behaviour and attitudes of males towards females in workplaces, schools and even Parliament House has been in our media constantly in the past weeks.
The following is an excerpt from an article by Dr Michael Carr-Gregg, a leading child and adolescent psychologist. The article is from The Age, March 17, 2021. It is a challenging article, but one where Dr Carr-Gregg speaks as a practitioner with many years’ experience in this field.
Parents can’t escape responsibility for boys’ misogynistic behaviour
So, it’s happened again – a group of young men, allegedly from a private school in Melbourne, this time Wesley College – reportedly making loud, “disgusting” comments about women. Last time such behaviour was highlighted by the media, it was students from St Kevin’s College in Melbourne who were filmed chanting a sexist song on a packed tram.
On this occasion, the behaviour was so extreme that the bus driver felt the need to apologise to some passengers, who presumably felt so disturbed and/or threatened that they disembarked. Full praise should go to the St Michael’s student who reported the matter to the Wesley College administration and to the principal of Wesley, Nick Evans, for a swift apology and thoughtful response.
While both incidents were deplorable, this latest event seems particularly unbelievable coming at a time when the public discourse on treating women with respect and dignity has reached stratospheric levels, thanks to Australian of the Year Grace Tame, the case of former Liberal staffer Brittany Higgins and the murder in the UK of Sarah Everard.
First, as Grace Tame said last week, “men are not the enemy” and it is clearly not all boys who behave this way. As a psychologist who toils in the vineyards of adolescence every day, I meet many kind, gentle, sensitive, socially aware, beautiful young men who love and cherish their sisters, mothers and grandmothers and are simply appalled by what happened on that bus.
Second, such behaviour is not the exclusive province of private schools but can be seen throughout our education system. Perhaps some parents believe that if they send their sons to private schools that these institutions will somehow infuse them with “better” values, attitudes and beliefs.
What can explain the machismo and misogyny? Water cooler conversations will throw up a cavalcade of culprits: teenage brain development, adult role-modelling, adolescent attraction to novelty and risky behaviours, the power of peer pressure, abysmal and tardy education around respect and relationships, the influence of social media, mobile phones, violent video games, internet pornography, decline in community and being immersed from birth in a constant diet of violence as entertainment.
While all of these can and do constitute very real risk factors, parents and adult carers cannot escape scrutiny.
Perhaps it is time we named the catastrophic spinelessness of some parents to set intelligent limits, boundaries and consequences when it comes to the behaviour of their boys.
Some parents seem to have turned away from the focus of raising respectful, polite, well-mannered boys and instead have gone to worship at the altar of “happiness”. Some exhaust themselves trying to make their son’s life easy by doing things that he can do for himself, leaping in to fix his problems, handing him every single opportunity on a plate, and being his full-time cheerleader.
Have we created rudderless, disconnected, bitter and resentful boys who are never challenged when they refuse to take out the garbage bins, pick up the dog poo or stack the dishwasher, or are rude, dismissive or intimidating to the women in their lives? We teach people how to treat us – what lessons have the boys on that bus been taught?
When elders are absent and good men and women do not step up, the peer group becomes the substitute source of life wisdom. Democracy doesn’t work with dogs or children; parents need to be the frontal cortex while their son’s brain is developing.
While schools do need to re-examine what they are doing in terms of sex education and when they are doing it, it is time for parents, grandparents and adult carers to exert a steadying influence, to become the voice of reason to counter this culture of misogyny, entitlement and indulgence.
But they need to know the limits. Where are the voices telling parents to teach their children to be happy with less? Who is advising parents to teach their children about the need for respect, kindness, gratitude, mindfulness, humility, manners, generosity and decent values?
The triple P parenting program teaches parents how to merge boundaries, discipline and calm governance with the necessary warmth, fun and open communication needed to raise boys who feel safe, valued and listened to. Perhaps it should be offered free of charge in all schools?
It is an oversimplification to point the finger at the education system. Yes, it has a role, but what happened on that bus should be both a warning and a clarion call to the parents of Australia.
It’s time to overthrow the republic of weak-willed parenting and reinstate the forgotten pillars of parenting: respect for all, wise, firm, fair and prudent governance.
Children are great imitators – it is time we gave them something great to imitate.
Remember, as US abolitionist Frederick Douglass said during the Civil War, it is easier to build strong boys than repair broken men.
As a college, St Joseph’s is committed to providing a safe school environment where our young men and women are encouraged to act in a manner which shows genuine respect for each other and where the rights of those who feel concerned in relation to sexual abuse have many avenues to report such incidents. If students or parents are aware of unacceptable, and illegal, treatment of students, you are strongly encouraged to contact the student’s Homeroom Teacher, the House Leader, the Deputy Principal Students, the Wellbeing Team or the Principal.
The college will be ensuring that all students receive education in the areas of consent, respectful treatment of women, and men, and the avenues available to all students for reporting incidents. Our Wellbeing Team has been in contact with all Year levels to offer support for students who may experience any form of harassment, abuse or who need any form of wellbeing support.
As a college, we are very proud of our young men and women and will continue to support them as they grow into mature and nurturing young adults. Families who have any concerns are always invited to contact the college and we will follow up any issues that you may need to raise. We thank all families for your continued support of our policies and procedures that are designed to develop self-respect, self-discipline and respect for all other persons. In our Catholic tradition, we believe that all people have dignity by nature of their humanity and that this dignity must be respected and that we must work in solidarity to maintain our college values of Justice and Compassion in service to our community.
Dr Tony Finn
Wellbeing Team