I am SO stubborn

Probably not the best way to start a devotional, but they say the first step to fixing a problem is admitting that there is one.

And with that, welcome to my journey of self-discovery...

Over this time in lockdown, it has been such an emotion fuelled time of contemplation and lack of socialisation that I realised I had become increasingly invested in trivial and often meaningless debates. 

It would start small, perhaps having a problem with someone’s vocabulary, or disagreeing with a friend or family member's decision, before I would find myself intensely persevered in my ways to blindly correct the person.

Like the most guilty of pleasures, it was something that I quite enjoyed doing. I would become fierce with my words ensuring I left no gap in my argument, but like any bad delight, I was equally, if not more, shame-filled at its conclusion. These discussions made me feel ill. A self-inflicted illness that left me with no one to blame but myself, and nothing to do but think. 

I pondered with confusion as to what led me to such an ugly state. I thought of ways to prevent it in the future, maybe it would be wise of me to just simply not care about things. If I stop caring, then maybe I would not get nearly as riled up about trivial things such as what I do. 

As you’re reading this I’m sure that you also will see the foolishness in that thought. Without passion, care, and curiosity, I would be denying myself of the important fundamentals of human ambition, the complexities this life offers. So I pondered harder, trying to think of an easy fix to ensure this feeling of guilt didn’t take second to the feeling of anger.

I began to realise the trick to being right, is far less about being right, and far more about being humble. Humble enough to listen without speaking, humble enough to welcome criticism. Not an easy task.

I also realised that I felt shame after an argument because I knew that if I had just been humble enough to not feel the need to convert everyone to my own opinions, I would have allowed myself to act with a bit more love and grace, and maybe even gotten closer to an agreement.

We have so much to get riled up about at the moment. But, even if we think our opinions are correct, we have no right to act with any less grace and dignity towards someone else, no matter what they believe.

James 4:6 ‘But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favour to the humble.”’