Student Wellbeing

Hi Everyone, 

National day for Action Against Bullying and Violence

On Friday the 18th of August it was National day for Action Against Bullying and Violence. 

The national definition of bullying for Australian schools states that:

‘Bullying is an ongoing and deliberate misuse of power in relationships through repeated verbal, physical and/or social behaviour that intends to cause physical, social and/or psychological harm. It can involve an individual or a group misusing their power, or perceived power, over one or more persons who feel unable to stop it from happening.

Bullying can happen in person or online, via various digital platforms and devices and it can be obvious (overt) or hidden (covert). Bullying behaviour is repeated, or has the potential to be repeated, over time (for example, through sharing of digital records).

Bullying of any form or for any reason can have immediate, medium and long-term effects on those involved, including bystanders. Single incidents and conflict or fights between equals, whether in person or online, are not defined as bullying.

Behaviours that do not constitute bullying include:

• mutual arguments and disagreements (where there is no power imbalance)
• not liking someone or a single act of social rejection
• one-off acts of meanness or spite
• isolated incidents of aggression, intimidation or violence.

However, these conflicts still need to be addressed and resolved. Likewise not all online issues are bullying. (Online bullying is sometimes referred to as cyberbullying and refers to bullying that is carried out through information and communication technologies.)’

This definition fits with the Friendology program that we use at our school. Bullying is not a ‘Friendship Fire’. It is repeatedly being ‘Mean on Purpose’. Our staff support students to solve Friendship Fires and encourage students to speak up if someone is being ‘Mean of Purpose’. Bullying is always taken seriously.

Communication

In life it is important to seek to understand people. You never know what someone might be going through. It can be easy to misinterpret people or assume you know what they are thinking. It is useful to check in by saying things like, "You look frustrated. Can I do something to help?"

When you greet people use friendly, welcoming strategies such as: 

- smiling

- saying, "Hi, how was your weekend?"

- ask the person about something they are interested in or something they have recently done. For example: "How is basketball going?"

Body language and tone of voice is a very important part of communication. Neutral body language and voice tone can be very confusing for people to interpret. 

When someone is dealing with uncomfortable feelings (like sadness or anger), validate their feelings by saying things like, “It looks like that was really hard for you. You look very sad.” If appropriate, normalise the person's feelings eg. "Lots of people feel nervous before they go on stage".

Before you speak, especially when dealing with a Friendship Fire ask yourself these questions:

T: Am I sure that this is True?

H: Is it Helpful for me to say this?

I: Should I say it, or someone else? (Is it appropriate for me to comment on this?)

N: Is Now a good time to say this?

K: Is it Kind for me to say this?

'The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice' ~ Peggy O’Mara

Change

It is impossible to feel happy all the time. Instead of striving to be happy all the time, perhaps you might like to focus on being grateful and kind. 

In life, we will experience comfortable and uncomfortable feelings. 

For example: 

Comfortable feelings - gratitude, relaxed, happy

Uncomfortable feelings - jealous, angry

It is important to remember that feelings change.  Enjoy the comfortable feelings and work on ways of acknowledging, and then accepting or tolerating, uncomfortable feelings. 

People can change by reflecting on their life and the way they act. They can set goals and learn new effective strategies to practise. Trying to think flexibly and being open to change and new ideas can be very challenging, so be kind to yourself and acknowledge your efforts. 

It can be helpful to plan for change or new experiences. For example, if your child is walking home from school for the first time, you and your child could drive to school on the weekend and walk from school together to practise this.

Continually thinking about events that happened in the past and feeling anger or resentment isn’t healthy. You can not change the past. Sometimes you might need to be brave and seek professional support for difficult or traumatic past experiences. 

‘No matter how much you revisit the past, there’s nothing new there to see’ ~ Anonymous

A helpful acronym to use when you are feeling overwhelmed by uncomfortable feelings and emotions is: 

What are more -

Helpful

Encouraging

Purposeful

thoughts to focus on right now?

You might find the picture story book called, ‘Who Moved My Cheese for Kids?’ by Dr Spencer Johnson helpful. 

Take care, be kind to yourself and find things to enjoy and feel grateful for.

Jocelyn Hollyman 😃

Student Wellbeing Program Coordinator