Wellbeing Officer

Hello wonderful families,

As we jumped into our last school holidays, I made a deliberate point of scheduling time with each of my 4 children for a ‘mum date’, with the only mandate being to choose something that they really wanted to do, just the two of us. My 19 yo wanted to buy me breakfast and take me shopping; miss 17 wanted to go out for lunch and a walk; miss 13 wanted to drive to the beach and go out for lunch, and master 11 took me to the Glen to buy a book where we would end our date eating Schnitz and watching the sun set. 

Apart from each of these dates revolving around food, it struck me that each of them just wanted to spend time with me. Uninterrupted, one on one, where they had my undivided attention. This time alone can be tricky with a bigger family, and sometimes I forget that they all need this! But I am also a person who has their ‘tank’ filled having the company of my favourite people, and my kids primarily feel loved in the same way - quality time.

Which took me back to a book that I read many years ago, by Drs Gary Chapman and Ross Campbell, called The Five Love Languages of Children. They unpack the idea of intentionally filling up our children’s emotional love tanks. Like us adults, if our childrens’ love tanks are on empty, it will be hard for them to be or do their best, and they are more likely to get angry or act out. We can fill their “love tanks” more effectively when understand our children’s unique love language. 

So how do  your children feel loved by you?

THE FIVE LOVE LANGUAGES

1.Physical Touch is the easiest love language.

Though a hug might say “I love you” to all kids, for ones who adore physical touch, it shouts, “I LOVE YOU!”

If children are constantly in your space, touching you, or playing with your hair, that’s a signal that they need to be touch. Simply having a snuggle on the couch, offering a foot massage, doing high fives, a kiss n the forehead and general gentle touch through a day can speak volumes! 

2. Words of Affirmation call out what’s at the core of each child.

More than general praise, it is specifically pointing out characteristics and abilities that make them one-of-a-kind. If this is your child, being able to find opportunities to affirm more than 3 times a day gives them courage to keep going and attempt even more. They will feel invincible.

3. Spending Quality Time says, “You’re important. I like being with you.”.

These children feel most valued when you choose to spend time with them. A child who often says, “Watch this!” or “Play with me,” is begging for quality time. 

Taking time to read together or have a focussed conversation can mean the world!

4. Meaningful Gifts are symbols of love and hold special memories.

There’s no doubt kids love presents, but they don’t make up for not being physically present and available. Someone whose primary love language is gifts tends to care about how a present is wrapped, and he often remembers who gave him what for months or years after the fact.

5. Acts of Service are the big and little things we do that prove we care.

Kids who speak it appreciate thoughtful gestures, like buying slurpee, tidying their room, or helping them unpack the dishwasher when its their turn.

I hope that this can encourage some conversations about how you too, can fill your tanks!

Sending lots of love,

Kathryn

Wellbeing Officer