Weekly Wellbeing
Mistakes – What happens next matters!
I recently discovered that we never stop having ‘firsts.’. When we are young, we experience a lot of ‘firsts’; first smile, first word, first step, first day of childcare/kindergarten, first day of school and many more ‘firsts’ in between. As we get older, the frequency of ‘firsts’ slows down, but we still have them.
This week, I experienced my first ‘I got the date wrong for an event’ moment. I realised this after travelling on the train for an hour and walking to my destination, only ‘twigging’ when the code that I had been given to enter the building didn’t work! Whoops! I had made a mistake!
At that point, I had a choice to make, that would not only determine my mindset for the rest of the day, but model what processing mistakes looks like to my children and those around me. See below table:
Options | Actions and thoughts | Likely outcomes |
| Negatively talk to myself telling myself how incompetent I was to get the date wrong. | Return home upset with myself, embarrassed, thinking of all the things I could have done with my time had it not been wasted, reflecting on other mistakes that I have made in the past thus reinforcing how inadequate I felt. | Upset all day Distracted Reduced productivity Unconsciously looking for more examples in my day to justify my incompetence Lack of connection with others because I felt bad about myself.
|
Be kind to myself by reminding myself that I am human.
| Walk around the city being ‘present’ in my environment while waiting for the next train. Take the opportunity to catch up on some emails and texts that I haven’t been able to reply to while travelling home. Be honest with others about what happened (own it!). | Feel refreshed after some unexpected ‘time out.’ Feel happy that I was able to send texts and reply to emails that I needed to. Be an example to others around me that it is ok to make mistakes. Pay more attention to documents instead of merely trusting my online calendar.
|
So why am I highlighting one of the many mistakes that I have made lately? Because we all make mistakes, and right at the point of realising, have a choice to make. Do we punish ourselves for the rest of the day (sometimes longer), by making generalised statements (either in our heads or out loud to others) like: “I’m so incompetent”, “why would anyone want to associate with me?” and “I never get things right.” Or do we ‘take a breath’, be kind to ourselves (as kind as we would be to a friend if they were relaying their mistake to us) and ultimately model to our children that it is ok to make mistakes. It is how we all learn, no matter how old we are!
Challenge: This week when you make a mistake (small or large) try to make an intentional choice to think about it. If it specifically has to do with a breakdown of communication, model what it looks like to ‘make it right’. Acknowledge your mistake in your interaction with another person and reconcile with them. As a parent, it is even more challenging to do this with our own children, but so important for our relationship with them. Although uncomfortable, teaching them to process their mistakes in healthy ways may be the ‘first’ of many important life lessons that they learn from you. By the way, I chose option two (See photos)!
Julie Reid, on behalf of the Wellbeing team
P.S. A quick shout out to all of the ‘Mother figures’ out there. I hope that Sunday is a special day for you all.