COLLEGE COUNSELLOR 

Family Time

In the mad rush to Christmas, it is important to slow down and take time with your family. Today I wanted to begin sharing a few tips for connecting with your teenage children that will hopefully help you build positive relationships with them. 

Tips for relating with teenagers

Teenagers are in a constant state of change; socially, emotionally, physically, cognitively - in pretty much every area of their lives. What they need from their family is lots of love and support. You can keep your relationship with your teenager strong through ordinary everyday activities.

Time together

Just do things together. Talking isn’t the only way to communicate, and during these years it’s great if you can spend time doing things you both enjoy, whether it’s cooking or hiking or going to the movies, without talking about anything personal. It’s important for kids to know that they can be in proximity to you, and share positive experiences, without having to worry that you will pop intrusive questions or lecture them.

Regular Family Meals

Regular family meals are a great way to stay close and a chance for everyone to chat about their day, or about interesting stuff that’s going on or coming up. Encourage everyone to have a say, and no-one will feel they’re being put on the spot to talk. Being comfortable talking about the little things makes it easier when the big things come up. Only one rule at the table: No screens.

Family Outings

Try setting aside time for fun family outings - you could all take turns choosing activities or even get the kids to organise the whole day. A relaxing holiday or weekend away together as a family can be great for building togetherness. Taking time away from the regular and mundane is also great for the mental health of the whole family.

One-on-one Time

One-on-one time with your teen gives you the chance to enjoy each other’s company. It can also be a chance to share thoughts and feelings. If you can, try to find opportunities for each parent to have this time with your child. This should be full attention time with no distraction from phones; a real chance to talk.

Here is a website with 50 ideas about activities that you could do with your teen. Some are a little particular but there are quite a few good suggestions as well.

One of the main tasks of adolescence is to establish independence. We want our children to develop into healthy, well adjusted, compassionate adults. It is important to keep this in mind as we parent our adolescents and allow for (and sometimes encourage) healthy expressions of independence. We need to help them to grow in autonomy and responsibility for their lives and their actions at an age appropriate rate. Over the rest of this term, I will explore different aspects of parenting teenagers by looking at “Routines, Rules and Responsibilities” and “Relating Well”.

Michael Lance | College Counsellor