8th November, 2019

IQ vs EQ

At Wheelers Hill PS, we pride ourselves on educating the ‘Whole Child’. This means that not only do we highly value academic success, but we also value Social and Emotional Learning (SEL). Social and Emotional Learning is embedded in the Victorian Curriculum through the Personal and Social Capabilities, but we enhance this learning through programs such as The Resilience Project, School-Wide Positive Behaviours and Restorative Practices. Through these programs, we aim to develop each student’s Emotional Intelligence (EQ).

For many years, IQ was viewed as the primary determinant of success. People with high IQs were assumed to be destined for great things and high achievement. However, some critics began to realise that this was not necessarily true and that there were other factors that influenced a person’s ability to succeed in life. It is now almost universally agreed that Emotional Intelligence is more important to attaining career and personal success than IQ.

IQ represents abilities such as:

Visual and spatial processing
Knowledge of the world
Fluid reasoning
Working memory and short-term memory
Quantitative reasoning

EQ is centred on abilities such as:

Identifying emotions
Evaluating how others feel
Controlling one’s own emotions
Perceiving how others feel
Using emotions to facilitate social communication
Relating to others

Inter-personal skills and the ability to manage one’s own emotions help us to better understand, empathise and negotiate with others.

There are five categories of Emotional Intelligence (EQ): Self- Awareness, Self-Regulation, Motivation, Empathy and Social Skills.

Self-Awareness: The ability to recognise an emotion as it happens is the key to Emotional Intelligence. If you can identify your emotions, you can manage them.

Self-Regulation: We often have little control over when we experience emotions, but we can learn to manage the emotions we feel. We can all teach our children strategies that can help them to manage impulses, take responsibility for their actions and to learn to adapt to change.

Motivation: Having clear goals and a positive attitude helps enormously with motivation. Although some people may have a predisposition to a negative attitude, it is possible to train the mind to think more positively.

Empathy: The ability to recognise how other people feel is important to success in your life and career. Empathy helps with anticipating, recognising and meeting others’ needs and discerning the feelings behind the needs and wants of others.

Social Skills: The development of good interpersonal skills is tantamount to success in life. ‘People skills’ are even more important now in this inter-connected world where communication takes place across platforms and across oceans. The ability to ‘sense’ how others are feeling, how to work as a leader or as part of a team, conflict resolution and effective communication skills are all essential skills that people with a high EQ possess.

PARENTING IDEAS ARTICLE

Developing Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence

By Michael Grose

Everything old is new again.

Over 2000 years ago Socrates reminded his Greek compatriots, “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.” Socrates was talking about the development of what we now call emotional intelligence.

Current day muse Dr. Marc Brackett, director of the Yale Centre for Emotional Intelligence is more expansive. He says, “Emotions matter as they drive learning, decision-making, creativity, relationships and health.”

Emotions are messy. They can be loud. They can be hidden. They so often interrupt our well-organised schedules. “What do you mean you’re sad? We’re off to watch a movie. It’s a happy time!” Emotions are hard to control and difficult to see. Like slippery eels swimming in a dam, you know that they are down there somewhere but it’s hard to figure out just what they are doing.

Here are five ideas to help you explore the alien landscape of kids’ emotions, the new frontier of parenting:

1. View emotions through the pleasantness lens.

We often place value judgements on emotions by saying some emotions are good or positive (happy, motivated, energised) while some are bad or negative (sad, worried, sullen). Avoid passing judgement in such ways. Recognise that emotions are pleasant or unpleasant and that all emotions are acceptable, whereas some behaviours (such as hurting someone when you are angry) are unacceptable.

2. Set your antennae to pick up emotions

Ever have a child come home from school and misbehave in a way that is out of character? If so, did you focus on the behaviour or did you try to detect the emotion behind the behaviour? The default mechanism for many adults is to respond to children’s behaviour rather than stand back and take notice of what may be going on beneath the surface. We respond to aggressive behaviour and sometimes fail to notice the anger seething below. Stop automatically reacting to behaviour and start noticing the emotion that may be driving the behaviour. You still need to manage poor behaviour, but responding in this way may give you a valuable insight into your child’s inner world.

3. Validate kids’ emotions

Children and teenagers who are upset or experience extreme emotions require understanding and validation. You don’t necessarily have to fix the situation, but it is important that your child knows that you understand he is upset. Convey your empathy with statements such as, “Ah, I see that you are upset that xxxx has happened…”, ”It’s understandable that you are annoyed by that…”, and “I can see that you are angry about this.”

4. Help your kids recognise, then regulate emotions.

Kids, like adults, need to recognise their feelings before they can regulate their emotional state. Emotional recognition is a complex process that takes practice. Learning to recognise your feelings is a continuous process that’s best started when young, before the ups and downs of adolescence becomes a reality. Cue kids in to their emotions by reflecting back to them how they may be feeling rather than shutting them down or ignoring them. E.g. “It seems that you are pretty angry right now. Could I be right?”

5. Build your child’s vocabulary of feelings words.

Emotionally smart kids generally have a wide vocabulary, which means they are better placed to shift their moods when required. Reflect back as accurately as possible how your child or young person may be feeling. The differences between emotions such as anxious, tense, nervous, worried and overwrought may be small, but they are important in terms of giving kids some wiggle room to shift their feelings.

Emotional intelligence is best learned when it becomes part of your family’s culture, or way of doing things. Impacting on family culture is the best way of creating inter-generational change. You’ll know you’ve had generational impact when your children as adults identify you as the person who trained them in the skills of emotional intelligence. How cool would that be!

Katrina Spicer

Assistant Principal - Welfare and Wellbeing

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