Wise words with...

Parenting in Community

“No one has more potential to influence your child than you do.” … however… “Your present family will never be enough for your children. Even the best parenting in the best family will never alone be enough to develop relationally, emotionally, and spiritually healthy children… You are not the only influence your children need.” 

Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof, ‘Parenting Beyond Your Capacity’

This parenting gig is hard! As parents we know we aren’t raising children, we are actually raising adults. We are preparing and equipping our children to be functioning and hopefully thriving adults. Christian parents have the great privilege and responsibility of teaching and modelling faith to our children. 

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, 

he will not depart from it. Proverbs 22:6

In our Western culture we often find parenting to be a solitary activity, unlike many countries around the world where the whole tribe or community might be involved. It’s not just us as parents who are missing out in this model but also our children. Steve Biddulph in ‘Raising Boys’ says:

 “In every time and place that has been studied by anthologists mid-teen boys received a burst of intensive care and attention from the whole community…. These cultures knew something we are still learning – that parents cannot raise teenage boys [or girls] without getting help from other adults.” (Biddulph, 2018, p.24)

It’s not just teenagers who need a community around them, it's children of all ages who will benefit. In our world of increasing social disconnect we as the parents need to be intentional about creating our own ‘village’; people who will get alongside our children, mentor them, and speak into their lives. There is no greater single factor in a young person’s Christian growth than having a few good mentors. The benefits also extend beyond faith as well. Having one or more mentors has been found to decrease at-risk behaviour and increases self-worth.

Making it Happen

Start by identifying people you already have connections with. This might be a coach, older people from church, friends of the family or relatives. Ask your child who are their ‘safe people’, people they feel they can talk to already. Invite these people to invest in your children so your sons and daughters have other voices that will help shape and determine the direction of their lives. 

Think about creating opportunities for mentoring to happen. Perhaps inviting your child’s mentor over for dinner, maybe there is a shared interest they can be involved in. Participating in a shared activity for example fishing, cooking, hiking provides an opportunity to informally talk while distracted by the task at hand.

At NCS we are part of a caring community of people. Let’s reach out to each other and strengthen those connections. For our family, many of those mentor relationships come from our church family. If you would like more information about how your family can connect with other families or can connect with a church community, please get in contact. We would be happy to help. 

As parents, we may be the biggest influences in our children’s lives, but we aren’t going to be the only influences. Let’s be strategic in making these influences trusted adults who can shape their character and faith. 

Extra Resources

 Sticky Faith by Kara Powell and Dr Chap Clark

 Parenting beyond your Capacity by Reggie Joiner and Carey Nieuwhof

Mentoring Program we hope to launch this year at NCS

For help connecting with other families or churches, contact Primary Chaplain emilythuaux@ncs.nsw.edu.au