From the School Nurse

Teenage Romantic Relationships

It’s important for teenagers in romantic, intimate and sexual relationships to understand what respectful relationships look like. As a parent and role model you have an important role in talking with your child about respect and encouraging your child to be respectful in relationships.

Respectful relationships allow teenagers to feel valued and accepted for who they are. These relationships are a vital part of healthy social, sexual and emotional development for teenagers. 

Respectful relationships for teenagers:  What do they look like?

Respect is about treating ourselves and others with dignity and consideration. Respect is an essential part of romantic, intimate and sexual relationships for teenagers.

Teenagers in respectful romantic relationships:

• can make their own choices and don’t feel pressured to do things that make them feel uncomfortable
• treat each other equally and fairly
• see mistakes as normal and OK 
• are only intimate and touch each other when they both want to 
• know it’s OK to say ‘no’ about anything they don’t feel comfortable with
• communicate openly and sort out conflicts fairly.

Talking about respectful relationships

You can help your child to choose and build respectful relationships by talking with them about how people behave in respectful romantic and intimate relationships.

You could try asking open questions to get the conversation started. For example:

• What do you think is important in a relationship?
• How do you want to be treated?
• What kind of behaviour shows you that someone truly loves or cares for you?

If your child has questions, try to answer them honestly and openly. If you can have conversations like this with your child, it encourages clear, open and honest communication. It also makes it easier for your child to come to you in the future if they need help with a relationship.

Other ways to encourage respectful relationships

Here are some other ways that you can promote caring and respectful relationships:

• Be a role model for respectful and caring behaviour in your own relationships. And if you find yourself in a disrespectful relationship, model positive ways to manage that.
• Use active listening to understand your child’s and other people’s perspectives.
• Give your child praise for respectful behaviour.
• Manage your own anger and teach your child how to manage their anger. 
• Show your child how to put conflict management strategies into action. For example, you could say something like ‘I feel really upset and worried when you don’t come home at the time we agreed on. Can we talk about that?’ 
• Stand up for yourself and your own needs in a respectful way and teach your child to stand up for themselves. 

Your child is in a disrespectful relationship:  What to do

If your child is in a disrespectful relationship or you think they are, they need your support. You can start by talking with your child, but this might be a difficult conversation.

You can encourage your child to express their feelings about the relationship by asking questions like these:

• How do you feel about yourself when you’re with your boyfriend/girlfriend?
• How do you feel about that behaviour?
• What do your friends say about your boyfriend/girlfriend and the way he/she treats you?
• Is there anything about the relationship that makes you feel uncomfortable?

You can also talk with your child about their options and what might happen. For example:

• What are the pros and cons of staying together?
• What might happen if you stay together?
• What might happen if you break up?

Your child might not want to talk with you about the relationship. In this situation, it might help if another trusted adult can talk to your child – for example, an aunt or uncle, grandparent or family friend.

Ref: raisingchildren.net.au

________________________________________________________________________________