Senior Years and Wellbeing 

I have come across hundreds of articles on parenting. This one I particularly like. Common sense with a touch of humor. This was published in the Sydney Morning Herald by author and blogger Kate Foster.

I have been thinking about parenting. My children are now adults. Well, as close to as possible, with the youngest only six months away from being 18

Great parenting isn't rocket science.

They're both funny, smart. They work hard, they're kind, they are strong and they have a strong sense of social justice. I am proud of my part in their upbringing and prouder of them managing to get over the worst parts of my parenting.

As I get older, I see what made a difference and what didn't, where I wasted energy worrying about things that didn’t matter, and where I was right to remind them to push a little harder in their own life. This is also based on watching other kids and their families, as well as the kids who have taken refuge in our house away from their hopeless parents. I have had several children here, so I get it.

I've had to try and reason with mothers who don't understand why their behaviour might be contributing to their child’s crisis.

I fostered one child because the parent refused to stop drinking and kick the abusive boyfriend out. I've had 2am calls from desperate kids who have made bad choices and need an adult to help them without judgement. I've done pickups from parks at 4am for drunk teenage girls. I’ve told parents off for pushing so hard their kid was on the edge, ready to jump.

Here is my list of "do"s and "don't"s when raising kids:

Don't be a tiger parent. Don't demand they practise until they hate the thing they're learning. Just because you didn't get to learn the violin doesn't mean they want to. They will hate it and you in equal parts in the future and hold it against you. Start saving for therapy now if you continue this.

Don't push them at school. Get them to pass and teach work ethic. My kid just passed her final year but focussed on her passions. She is now going to graduate with a double degree and is starting her Masters in what she loved since she was small.

Don't lecture your kids about not drinking when you drink every night in front of them. Tell your kids not to try drugs but be there if they do. Educate them about safe choices. And remind them that they are not going to be punished or in trouble if they call an ambulance if a friend reacts badly to a drug. This one is vital.

Teach them to laugh at themselves more than they laugh at others.

Teach them self-awareness. Really. Stop with the selfies kiddo. Not as many people are looking at you as you think they are. They are worrying people are looking at them.

Don't worry about a particular teacher. Ten years later and you won't remember their name. Help your kid find out what they're good at and build their interests and co-curricular activity around that.

Ask them to try a food 10 times over a few years before they decide they truly hate it.

Ask them to wait six months before they give up the instrument they are learning. If they still loathe it, then it's gone. My son said he wanted to give up guitar. We waited the six months and now he's studying it for his final year because he loves it so much.

Tell them being a kind person will get them further socially, than just being smart.

Tell them you enjoy parenting them, often and always. Don't make them feel bad for being born. That was your decision, not theirs.

Don't pay for them to go to school and then make them feel guilty about the fees. Again, that was your decision.

Don't tell them you need "grown up time". That's a nasty and invalidating thing to say. Find grown up time. You're a grown up.

Answer every question as honestly as you can. Children remember the lies.

Don't live through them. Let them shine on their own terms.

Spending quantity time with them is more important than 'quality time' – there is no such thing. They don't remember the "special" time. They just remember the time. The gaps of you not being there create anxiety and they turn on each other. Be present.

Tell them you love them, even when you don't like their behaviour. We all are revolting at times, even adults. Don’t expect them to be perfect when you’re not.

Saying no is good when it is going to protect them from themselves.

Don't mess around with mental health. See a professional as soon as possible. There is no shame in medication or hospitalisation or getting therapy. In fact, your kid will grow their emotional intelligence from seeing how things work in their own head and out in the world.

Today's gossip will be replaced by something else at school tomorrow. Lie in bed with them all night if you're worried. Stroke their hair, tell them stories about when they were little and how loved they are, tell them about when you were pregnant with them. Remind them they are wanted and loved and they can and will survive what is happening.

Ask them about pop culture and things you don't get. Find out about their lives and what is in it. Don't dismiss it because you don't get it. Learn their language, enter their world, and they will enjoy teaching you about it all.

Laugh at yourself, and often.

Say sorry for when you are a bad parent. It matters to them. It also teaches them how to apologise to others.

Don't tell your kids they owe you because you feed and clothe them. You're supposed to do that. You don't get respect for doing the bare minimum!

If your kid hates you, then there is a reason, and most likely, you caused that.  Sort it out, now. Be honest with yourself and be accountable and try to fix your part in it.

Don't invalidate their feelings. If they are upset, acknowledge it first, then respond. Don’t tell them not to cry, instead ask them to talk about it.

If you have a boy, then teach him to name his feelings. Use emotional words so he becomes fluent in them. Are you happy, sad, anxious, worried, angry, tired and so on? This helps them to be able to actually say what they feel, instead of just bottling it up inside.

All of this comes from raising my kids and other children who have passed through my doors looking for help with their life issues, and their home life. These are the things that mattered, and I hope they help some other parents who might be over-thinking it all. After all, it’s not rocket science; if I can do it, anyone can.

Girls Summer Uniform

Our senior female staff and I have recently met with all our female students to reinforce our expectations on uniform. We are so fortunate at this College that most students wear their uniform with pride. Sadly, however, it only takes a handful of students to do the wrong thing that then reflects poorly on everyone. Could I ask all families to support the College in maintaining the high uniform standards we have come to expect from all students. Girls were reminded of the following:

• The summer dress to sit no higher than mid-knee with the school jumper on. A number of girls were asked to attend to this before next week.
• One pair of plain studs or sleepers only in the ear lobe.
• Make up or nail polish is not to be worn to school apart from colourless moisturiser or colourless sunscreen.
• No jewellery is permitted.
• Hair that is below shoulder length must be tied back.
• School ribbons must be navy, white, maroon or gold.
• Hats must be worn in Term One and Term Four.

Summer Uniform Change Over

Students may begin Term Four in either their summer or winter uniform. By Monday 22nd October all students must be wearing the summer uniform. Hats are compulsory in Term 4.

Boys will be required to wear long trousers and a shirt and tie for Speech Day on Friday 26th October.

Kristen Waldron