GEKA Bentleigh East

Bravery 

Kate Alao, Early Childhood Teacher

If you look on the internet, there is a lot of advice and information on “How to teach children to be brave.” There are also many stories of young children who acted bravely under very dramatic circumstances. It can’t go unmentioned that last year we all deserved bravery awards, every single one of us, we all experienced together the issues and challenges facing us due to COVID 19.

We feel that parents are brave every day. Parenting is a wonderful experience and we always believe that parents need to be given credit for the natural courage they show everyday as they care for their children and  move through life’s ups and downs. We see parents brush their own fears aside for the stability of their children.  

A perfect example of this is when your child has separation anxiety. You not only need to help your child through these emotions, you also need to manage your own feelings of anxiety especially if your child is crying when you say “bye.” This is something I (teacher, Kate), experienced myself when my son was at kindergarten (many, many years ago). The tears in his eyes would well up and he would say “I want to come to work with you Mummy!”. This happened for many weeks, despite the fact that the teachers were wonderful, extremely caring and when I came back to pick him up after the session he actually didn’t want to leave kindergarten to come home! Then, finally, one day he just forgot to cry and suddenly I was overcome with the opposite emotion that he had grown up and actually didn’t miss me anymore! 

For this up and down of emotion that we experience as parents I give every parent full credit for “emotional bravery!” 

Flipping over, we wanted to describe to you bravery from a child’s point of view within the actual kindergarten environment. As professional educators of children, we see bravery in children every day in many instances, many times a day. They are small doses of courage and bravery but they all add up and make a positive impact in a child’s life. Consider a child attempting to climb a little higher on the climbing frame, or a child who normally doesn’t like to speak out in a group, being brave to answer a question in a circle time, or a child having the courage to dip their hands into paint when they don’t normally like messy play. They are all important examples of children being brave in the every day. 

These small milestones are “big” in the lives of children.  At kindergarten we support children to find their courage. You might have heard the saying “courage is not without fear!” Last year we observed this first hand, in a child who was able to find her courage with our guidance and work through her anxieties in a particular social situation.  

After careful observation we discovered that this child was trying very hard to break into a group of friends that had known each other since before kindergarten. A group of 4 girls had a particular way of playing in the cubby area and we noticed that this girl spent quite a bit of time watching them play. We encouraged her every time, to use her words with confidence to enter the play. Each time she would nod her head vigorously and say “No” and just stand next to me and watch them. We knew she was observing and possibly calculating her next move and a way she would feel comfortable to enter the play. 

We realised that no matter how many suggestions we made she was only going to make a move if it was in her own time, under her own terms. We respected this and were able to support her by standing with her as she observed and spent time with her chatting about “what the girls were playing and what her own interests were. “At times I could see in her eyes she wanted to just step right in and feel “here I am and I am playing“ but then hesitation set in and she would then grab my hand and say “lets go away!” taking me over to the sandpit right away from the cubby area, she would then play with others in the sand pit. 

We are experienced teachers and every day we use our experience and knowledge to help children connect and make friends. But this situation was a little different and after much discussion together as a team, we felt that she would gain so much if she could find her courage through the fear of breaking into this tight knit group of girls. 

We read the book to the children titled “Have you ever?” Written by Kirilrr Furlong. It reminds children that they are wonderful and to empower themselves and how to take things all within their stride. We read the book several times. It’s a great book to read with your child, it’s a happy book and the illustrations are beautiful. 

Patience and daily support for this child were very important. Many sessions went by and the observations continued. She would hold one of our hands, watch this group of girls for a while and then go and play with other children. It occurred to me then, that she was finding a way to gain her courage. We wanted to make sure one of us was there to support her in the instance that she steps forward and moves into the group. Then one day she came to kindergarten dressed up in very colourful clothes, she wore a frilly sparkly skirt, leggings and runners. We all acknowledged her terrific outfit and the morning progressed. Then suddenly, she came to me, grabbed my hand and said “I’m here, it’s my turn today!”  We knew exactly that this was her moment. I motioned to my team as this was the moment we were all anticipating. 

Two of us were able to walk with her over to the cubby and as we approached she started to skip. We all practised taking a deep breath and as we stood either side of her she called out (it was last year and so her exact words I can’t quite remember but it went something like this)“ I’m comin’ in and I am the Dad!” My colleague and I very loudly (so the others could hear) supported her by saying “ Hi Dad, give us a high five and what’s for dinner? “The other girls started to giggle as they handed her a bowl and said “can you make soup?“ She nodded “YES, mud soup”  they all laughed and she was in! We were so proud of her. 

The connection with these girls continued through the rest of the year, but she chose which days she wanted to play with them and then which days she played somewhere else. I can’t forget this day and it almost brings a tear to my eye, it always comes to mind when I think of bravery in young children. It was social bravery and she was able to develop the ability to find her courage through her fear. 

Kindergarten is indeed the place to find your courage. And, it will be with support, guidance and patience from teachers who understand that young children given time can find “their brave.”